‘It’s all about survival; dreams are a luxury’

A HOUSEWIFE’S DIARY:

TODAY is Thursday and I will collect €370; it’s our total income this week.

I have had no money in my purse since Tuesday but that’s fine as we had food in and enough gas and electric in the meter. Next week is mortgage week, which is a big dread, but it is also children’s allowance week and we get Tesco vouchers from St Vincent de Paul every two weeks so we will just make the €750 payment.

My €370 cash today has to cover food, gas, petrol and electricity for the next two weeks. It is like goldust but I have it down to a fine art. I buy all our food in the half-price specials or the end-of-day bargains in the supermarkets. I do them all every second night and it really pays off.

My family is sacred and I will not let them suffer. I cook from scratch and bake and they want for nothing. I am devoted to them and have given up all my dreams and any plans I had for the future. It’s all about survival now and dreams are a luxury.

I am not bitter but do get scared. My husband and I lost both our businesses. I had a full-time cleaner, a gardener, designer clothes and two holidays a year. If the cleaner got stressed, I got her help with the ironing, if my husband got stressed, I took the kids away. If I got stressed I drank vodka. I don't drink now, it was a decision I had to make to survive.

My three girls are thriving. They missed me when I worked long days and now have me all to themselves. I feel so sad when I hear of a parent committing suicide because the children lose everything; all they want is mam and dad. It doesn’t matter if you’re in a caravan, I see that now.

House repairs are a worry and we can’t afford insurance. Medical health is gone but the medical card is a pure luxury. On principle I will not abuse it but it gives me great peace of mind.

No one knows how poor we are and that’s how we cope. I still look well — good clothes last a lifetime. I did gardens for friends this summer and cooked for them and did barters for whatever business they are in. Bartering is huge now and all the business-people are doing it.

I made Christmas cakes in August and they should finance Christmas, please God.

I have so much compassion for people now and pray more, not for myself but for the poverty and injustice in this world. Being poor has made me wiser, more compassionate to others, a better mother and wife, but boy would I love an old week in the sun, five-star of course.

Most days I am like a fierce lion protecting her cubs and try to devise different ways to survive. I rarely grumble but am much more sensitive. My self-esteem is better as most days I feel like Mother Teresa. Every now and then I feel like hitting the vodka but I don't because if I crumble, we will all go under.

Money is a great safety net but it also makes us selfish.

Politicians? I don’t have the time or the energy to listen to them and feel they are only doing the maths now. When we went under we had to cut costs fast and furious and they should have done the same.

Too little too late.