FG have more mob than flash in Disney election

THIS is fast becoming the Disney election.

First, we had Micheál Martin’s appearance as Snow White, desperately trying to whip the half-empty cabinet of the Seven Dwarfs into shape.

Now, Enda Kenny is auditioning for the Princess Bride. His photocall with Fine Gael’s 102 candidates was just like a wedding shot — though the party leader could certainly do with a tad more animation.

If Enda was the nervous groom-to-be he didn’t show it, but all that was missing at this rehearsal for electoral bliss was the bride — Kathleen Ní Houlihan herself.

After nine years of difficult courtship, Enda finally hopes to seduce her over the next four weeks.

Enda thought he’d sealed the deal in 2007, but she jilted him at the altar at the last minute — her head turned by flighty Bertie and his perfumed promises that really did amount to not-so-sweet nothings.

Bertie led her a terrible dance, yes he did win the odd — very odd — bit of money on the horses, but in the end he maxed out her credit cards and left her in a right old state.

She’d be in the poorhouse now if it hadn’t been for the kindness of Germans, and still the Anglo boys laugh all the way from the bank in her face.

But Enda’s promising to take her away from all that, and yesterday’s pre-nuptial bash at the swanky Mansion House was Mr Kenny showing her a teasing little bit of ankle — and what could be in store for her when he’s her Taoiseach and every night is their wedding night.

The candidates giggled and jostled for position as the photographers were hoisted above them on a cherry picker. The snappers had to wear hard hats due to the dizzy heights they were ascending, which made them look strangely like a mid-air Village People convention where only the construction worker guys had bothered to turn-up. Down below it was like a flash mob, though distinctly more mob than flash.

In many ways, Enda is the perfect Disney hero, no, not bland and one dimensional — but engagingly optimistic with his relentlessly cheerful world view.

And like a Disney hero he knows how to talk to children as he proved when addressing the candidates before the photocall.

He was using his strange, shouty-talky voice, rather than his strange Las Vegas lounge lizard voice, just so the children, sorry, candidates got the message. Enda told them he’s the man with a plan — a five-point plan, and just in case that number was too difficult for them to remember he helpfully explained — “just like our symbol, the star, has five points”. Oh, Enda, you are clever.

There was no bouquet at the Mansion House bash, but if one had been thrown, no-doubt the deft-footed Mr Martin would have darted from somewhere out of the shadows to catch it, as he has caught most of the political breaks since becoming FF leader.

But is that blood we can spot on Snow White’s dainty hands? Briefly morphing into the Red Queen from Alice Through The Looking Glass, Mr Martin dispatched Noel “Nof” O’Flynn with an abrupt cry of: “Nof with his head!”

However, the polls stubbornly show that, Snow White or not, Mr Martin and the seven Cabinet dwarfs are still singing the not so cheery tune: “Hi-ho, hi-ho, it’s off to opposition we go....”