Sarah Harte: Standing by your man is no longer the first duty of a wife in politics

President Joe Biden, left, prepares to speak as first lady Jill Biden looks on at a campaign rally, Friday, June 28, 2024, in Raleigh, N.C. (AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

Over the last week, political wives have featured heavily in the news. Who would be a political wife, because it brings a strong element of damned if you do and damned if you don’t?

Jill Biden is currently in the hot seat for having transgressed the political spouse’s ‘show up, shut up, and smile’ paradigm. At the heart of what is fast turning out to be an American tragedy, she stands accused of encouraging Joe Biden to continue with his bid for the presidency.

“When he gets knocked down, Joe gets back up, and that’s what we’re doing today,” said Mrs Biden, who is generally regarded as the president’s closest advisor, in the wake of his shaky presidential debate. 

But, as her former press secretary has asked, is it fair to put the entire decision on her shoulders rather than the Democratic policy advisors? Whatever the truth of what is going on, undoubtedly, sexist ‘power behind the throne’ ideas about scheming political wives still proliferate.

Last Friday morning, we saw a dignified Akshata Murthy standing behind husband Rishi in Downing Street as he delivered his considered resignation speech as British prime minister. But back in 2022, when her husband launched his bid to be British prime minister, Murthy was criticised for serving tea and biscuits to journalists outside her home, with the image going viral. Critics said the kind gesture was tone-deaf, as the teacups cost £38 each.

Rishi Sunak stands with his wife Akshata Murty following his party's landslide defeat to the Labour Party. Picture: Gareth Fuller/PA

Several hours after Sunak’s resignation speech, we saw jubilant scenes on the same street and we were introduced to Victoria Starmer, wife of the new British prime minister, who I’d never seen before. Starmer is said to be a reluctant first lady, fiercely private and wanting to continue with her own life.

Her unusually low public profile has drawn comment and divided opinion. One Labour MP was quoted in a British newspaper as saying that her reluctance to appear on the campaign trail was “a real shame”, believing that Keir Starmer could benefit from having his wife “telling people about the real Keir”.

But would Victoria Starmer benefit from such a move? There’s plenty of evidence that she would not.

Constant criticism 

It’s a tough station, being a political wife, because it seems to be a delicate balance of stepping up but only in a narrowly prescribed way and staying in your old-fashioned lane.

Boris Johnson’s wife Carrie was accused of effectively running her husband’s cabinet and was nicknamed ‘Lady Macbeth’ and ‘Princess Nut-Nut’. The Telegraph, never known for its progressive thinking, charmingly advised her when she got married that she could and “should relax a bit” and strive to emulate David Cameron’s wife Sam Cam rather than Cherie Blair, whom they and others deemed pushy.

Mrs Blair, a leading barrister, attracted criticism during her husband Tony’s time as prime minister for allegedly exploiting her position for commercial gain. Fair enough. But she was also misogynistically pilloried for her looks, which is not definitely not fair enough.

Victoria Starmer, who works in occupational health in the NHS, reportedly does not want her entire life to be swallowed up by her husband’s job and is also quoted by friends as having determined that she does not want to be a “show pony”.

She is presumably resistant to having her looks, wardrobe, and hair, as well as loyalty, scrutinised.

Cherie Blair, a leading barrister, attracted criticism during her husband Tony’s time as prime minister for allegedly exploiting her position for commercial gain. Picture: Haydn West/PA

Picking over what politicians’ wives clad themselves in is regressive, because it doesn’t happen to the husbands of female politicians. Michelle Obama was criticised in 2009 for posing in a sleeveless dress for her first official White House photo and showing off her toned arms. The shot was deemed to be too informal and, absurdly, questions were raised about the heating bill in the White House.

After carnival barker Donald Trump got elected in 2016, it was alleged that he required women who worked for him to look a certain way showing, arguably, a certain misplaced confidence in his own appearance. Whether he said that remains unclear, but it would seem he has a wife, daughters, and daughters-in-law who conform to a very definite sartorial look that incidentally is often shared by the women who work for him.

Suffice it to say, I never feel particularly liberated when watching Melania or the entire travelling circus of Ivanka, Tiffany, Lara, and co spilling into some glitzy ballroom or Floridian hellhole such as Mar a Lago, but their appearance is their business.

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I grew up in an era where, as young women, we were exposed to well-turned-out, although never sexually threatening, British and American political wives who were forced to come out and bat for their husbands. 

When he asked the public to vote for him, they smiled admiringly as if to say my hero, but when said husband transgressed, often sexually, they smiled through gritted teeth to reassure the public that all was well with the marriage and family, that he was a trustworthy guy including sometimes shoring up his heterosexuality.

The iconic memory that stands out is watching Hillary Clinton in 1992 save Bill Clinton’s presidential bid after a woman called Gennifer Flowers disclosed that she had been Bill Clinton’s mistress. Hillary appeared on television next to a contrite Bill with an impossible task, to woo traditional voters as somebody who stood by her man no matter what, but as an independent woman in her own right.

In 1992, Hillary Clinton famously stood by her man after a woman called Gennifer Flowers disclosed that she had been Bill Clinton’s mistress. Picture: Lisa Poole/PA

She got the job done for Bill, who went on to beat George Bush Sr but at huge cost to her political ambitions. Politicos reckon it was at this point that Hillary’s troubled relationship and image problem with the American public began. She fell between two stools, coming over as too feisty for traditional voters but alienating younger people (at college, I fell into this camp) for having behaved like the little Tammy Wynette lady she denied she was for standing by her man.

Fighting stereotypes

Usually, in this column, I’m carping that things need to change in this country. For once, I think we should pat ourselves on the back. Because we would appear to have a more liberated, less antiquated view of what a political spouse looks like. 

The concept arguably evolved with Bertie Ahern’s partner Celia Larkin, which in a Catholic country was considered a departure. Then later, with Leo Varadkar’s partner Matthew Barrett, we moved beyond the stereotype of the straight politician.

We can be thankful that, in our polity, we do not ask Mary Martin or Caoimhe Wade, both of whom come across as solid, low-key women, to tell us who the real Micheál or Simon is.

We not only refrain from asking political spouses in Ireland to shelve their ambitions in place of their political partners, but we also don’t even ask what those ambitions might be, nor do we comment on their appearance, and we should strive at all costs to keep it like that.

And although she is highly unlikely to need my advice, to Victoria Starmer, I’d say go for it girl and continue unapologetically to be yourself.