Now the euro carries a bit of weight against sterling

It must make you feel a slight pang if you live in Iran knowing your 100,000 riyal note wouldn’t buy you a burger in Nenagh, writes Colm O’Regan

It’s the bit on the news that we rarely notice. At that stage we’re fed up of depressing stories and wondering what’s going to be on nationwide? Perhaps something to cheer us up? Maybe there might be a fella in Carlow who has taken his whittling hobby all the way to the Kremlin.

Just after the last of the sport:

“ … and finally in golf … the 13 million euro [something] Masters is underway in [country with iffy human rights record] … best of the Irish is … but it was a bad day for [Irish golfer who used to be good]. And that’s it for the sport, back to you Sharon.”

“Thanks Claire and to the stock market the Iseq is [like, whatever! I haven’t touched shares since the Eircom thing but I still get an oul letter from whoever owns them now. Rupert Murdoch or Lex Luther or someone] meanwhile on the foreign exchange markets the euro is worth [more than the dollar and less than the pound].

The exchange rate — it doesn’t mean much to us when we watch it on the news. Just some numbers and some flags. That was how it always was: the euro is worth more than the dollar and less than sterling. The punt before was similar. Well, until 1979, one punt was worth one sterling. Then the punt entered the European Monetary System and the sterling didn’t. (You see? They’re always at it, these lads.)

For a while the punt was worth more than sterling — in 1992/93 and for a while in 1996. Oh what a time we had then. Going over to England flashing our money around. Buying Twixes like they were going out of fashion.

But mainly the sterling has been worth a bit more than the euro. This leads to conversations which ends with “And that’s in sterling, you know!” We tended to over-exaggerate the difference. As if a British pound was worth €14. It’s a similar policy carried out by the Bureau de Changes who know that we have NO idea how much it costs to change money so make up their own exchange rates.

But now it’s different. Something’s up with the sterling. Going over to the UK doesn’t have as big a crushing kick in the face at the currency exchange any more. Where you used to watch your lovely crisp high denomination euro notes turned into sterling notes with a shrunken queen laughing at you, now the euro carries a bit of weight. Does the value of your currency have any psychological effect I wonder?

The most valuable currency in the world is the Kuwaiti dinar. And any Kuwaitis I’ve met (one) have always seemed fairly confident. But there are others more expensive than the euro — the Bahraini dinar is one. (Seriously you should come in for your dinar while it’s hot.) The Omani Rial is another one. Maybe that explains why we’re always playing them in soccer friendlies. The OFA are able to come in a buy stuff that’s so cheap, ‘tis unreal.

And on the other side, what about countries whose currencies are worth shag all? I think it must make you feel a slight pang if you live in Iran knowing your 100,000 riyal note wouldn’t buy you a burger in Nenagh. Surely they must think - “why don’t we just start again and lop about four zeroes off it? What a waste of ink.” As for the Vietnamese dong, it’s worth a little more than a riyal but with one euro equalling 24,000 of them, you’d still feel like a bit of a langer. That’s it from the currency markets. Now over to Jean for the weather.