My canine companion is a bit too dedicated

Suzanne Harrington writes about her overprotective dog

IMAGINE having a dog who loves you so much, and with such unswerving dedication, that across her chest is an LAPD tattoo, “To Protect And Serve”. You just can’t see it under all the fur. She’d carry a gun, if it were legal, and would join a gym if they’d let her in — instead she has to inject her steroids at home, when she thinks nobody’s looking.

She’d love to be a police dog, but she would be so good at her job that she would cause mass involuntary redundancies amongst not just the other law enforcement canines, but their humans too — there would be no criminals left, because she would have eaten them all.