For bottom’s sake, Clean Reader app is going too far

Imagine if a barely literate Ned Flanders climbed through your window and got his hands on your books. Your literature, your novels, your classics, your memoirs, your contemporary fiction, your cult titles.

Imagine if he took out a big fat biro and crossed out all the words he deemed ‘profane’, and replaced them with Flanderspeak. Gosh darn it, it would reduce your reading material to a great big pile of fudging bollards, wouldn’t it?

And what if he replaced the correct anatomical names for all intimate body parts with a single word – “bottom” – so that erotic scenes were rendered comically non-sensical? (And physically impossible – think about it).