No single men allowed: Important etiquette for attending a swingers party

Given the recent hoo-ha about a swingers gathering in a well known Cork hotel, I feel it my duty to share some knowledge. (I know – Cork and swingers in the same sentence. Oh how Ireland has changed since I last lived there. Back then, you couldn’t even buy a condom).

Although not a swinger myself –and if I were, I wouldn’t tell you – I have been to such gatherings in a non-participatory capacity for work (no, not that kind of work) and duly reported back.

So when I read the other day that single men could attend this swinger Halloween do in Cork for €15, it sort of made me shudder.

Here, for your future reference (well, you never know) are some adult party basics:

You get what you pay for. The more you pay, the more exclusive the event, the better the surroundings, the higher the standards. For a low entrance fee, anyone can walk in. Like a nightclub. If you’re okay with this, fine. Personally, I would run a mile.

A good party – whether in a private space or a public venue – will only admit couples and single women. No. Single. Men. Ever. This is a basic rule across swinging and fetish parties. This does not mean a single man cannot attend such an event – he just needs to be accompanied a female friend. Otherwise you are back to the nightclub scenario. But worse.

At a well-run, high-end event, everyone will be there for a common purpose – to enjoy themselves in a safe consensual private environment. Keys in ashtrays is a 1970s cliché – for a start, nobody smokes anymore.

Nor should anyone get drunk either. Getting drunk at a sex party is a total waste of your time and money, unpleasant for others, and may lead you to do things you would not do when you are sober. If you need to get drunk to take part, you shouldn’t be there. Go home and watch a movie.

Having said that, most parties start with a fizz reception. This is perfectly civilised, and takes the edge off any initial shyness while allowing guests to chat and mingle and, yes, check each other out.

Etiquette is all-important at good parties. Politeness, friendliness and respect above all. Everyone is there for the same reason – so nobody needs to hassle anybody ever, even slightly. The more extreme the party – think fetish rather than swinging – the friendlier and more inclusive the crowd.

So there you have it. From not being able to buy a condom to having adult parties in local hotels.

The decline of civilisation, or the liberation of Irish society? That’s up to you.

Personally I will have spent Halloween dressed up as a zombie nun – our annual Halloween party always involves zombies – because the idea of sexy witch just doesn’t cut it.

But that’s just a personal preference.