Give the elderly the respect they deserve and the help they need

The report by Ed Carty (Irish Examiner, September 2) under the heading “2,400 reports of elderly abuse last year” makes very sad reading but I hope those responsible will be apprehended and brought to justice. Two-thirds ofelderly people feel unwanted, and many of them are right.

Psychologically, our society is geared to the young. Films, sports, fashions all stress the importance of youths, and we give the elderly less of a role to play than any other generation ever had. At the same time the life span is increasing. This extra time can be years of tragedy unless younger people help their elders overcome the frustration of old age. The day some older person’s attitudes or actions conflict with your own, stop and ask: “What do older people want out of life?” I would sum it up thus – somewhere to live, something to do and someone to care. Where an elderly person lives is not the major consideration. Making him/her know they are valued is all that counts.

Another major misconception is that the elderly like to be in a safe and cosy nest. An older person likes to havehis of her life planned, whether their children tuck them away in an old folks home or put them in a gilded cage. From experience I would say plan with, not for, old people.

If your older relative wants to cling to the living quarters where they have been content for so long, stand up for them. Older people value their own homes first, and privacy at all costs. Sadly, many old folk are deprived of this privilege.

Many are pressurised into making their wills without the proviso that they be left a room in the family home until death. Where this proviso is not included some end up in not very pleasant surroundings.

If you want to get along with older people whether they live in your home or not, discuss all grievances openly, even if there’s a danger of hurting their feelings.

If you treat the elderly as if they are too eccentric or too old-fashioned to know what to do, you will only strengthen their convictions that they are being abused. If you bring pressure to bear through doctors, nurses or social workers when they are facing a devastating break in long-established routine, they will feel you are persecuting them.

What they can’t bear is to feel baffled and helpless because relatives too often act as if crises in family life ought not to be discussed with them. For, even if it doesn’t face you right now, remember that you are going to be “an older person” yourself someday.

Cllr Noel Collins

St Judes

Midleton

Co Cork