How do you know when you're too old for a festival?

HOW do you know you’re getting old? When you break into a sprint, without giving three weeks’ notice to your body? Is it the sight of the first few grey hairs in the mirror that look so ludicrous, you think “Aw COME ON, special effects in this movie are cat!”.

Or is it at a sleepless 6.30am in a tent at a music festival when everyone else is ‘up’ in more ways than one, while you fantasise about being winched to safety by a helicopter belonging to a luxury hotel?

A music festival is a singular occasion — a combination of a Scout trip, Debs and Battle of The Somme. They are eagerly anticipated in the preceding days at work. Microsoft Outlook messages that normally have subjects like “Urgent Reminder: Have you read the company’s email policies?” are used to exchange excited information about “Festival Banter” and “Can’t wait for the Carnage!!!”