If only animals could talk

THERE is a folk tradition, widespread across northern Europe, that at midnight on Christmas Eve all animals are given the gift of human speech for a few minutes.

There’s no consensus about the origin of the tradition but in most countries it’s connected to Christ’s birth place in a stable containing animals — there is another tradition, which doesn’t appear to have any origin in scripture, that the birth took place precisely at midnight.

When I was very young my father convinced me this happened. I had a burning desire to have a conversation with the dog and my pet hamster, so every Christmas Eve I tried to stay awake until midnight, and every time I failed. While I was trying to keep my eyes open I rehearsed the questions. Why did the dog like peeing against lamp posts and chasing cats? Why did the hamster store food in its cheeks and spend so much time running to nowhere in that wheel thing?