Barking good idea for the perfect Christmas present

IS IT better to give or to receive, or to simply hide in a cave until it’s all over?

Giving is all very well, unless you are forced to do it by a certain date, alongside everyone else, so that the annual gift gathering becomes as joyous as being trapped on a rush hour train with norovirus. Nothing says ‘Christmas’ like an elbow in the temple as you wrestle your way to the till.

And obviously, your gifts have got to be perfect. Not only must they reflect the character of their receiver, but they should also be simultaneously tasteful, playful, meaningful, and totally original. Thank goodness then that every magazine and newspaper supplements — not to mention all those thousands of blaring telly adverts — has been helping us with the process for months, rolling out the colour spreads of super-styled photo shoots full of silver and gold themed artfully arranged stacks of pressies that are not just pressies, but individual mini-statements reflecting your generosity, thoughtfulness, humour, and psychotic attention to detail.