Protecting young people - Children need help to beat bullies

Just as the dark side of humanity is a reality, its manifestation, its destructive intrusion into innocent lives, seems unavoidable and today well nigh uncontrollable.

The centrality of evolving social media in our lives, especially in the lives of our children, makes it hard to see how vulnerable children can be shielded from the anonymous dangers lurking online. And what a tragedy that is, and how reflective of the worst in human nature, that something as enriching as the great communications revolution also facilitates cowardly and potentially lethal cyberbullying.

Over the weekend 13-year-old Donegal schoolgirl Erin Gallagher killed herself after she had been bullied online. Erin had warned friends — on a social networking site of course — of her plans but nothing could have been done to change events set in train by the cruelties inflicted by faceless, online thugs.

Her death follows a similar tragedy last month when Ciara Pugsley, 15, from Leitrim, took her life. Both Erin and Ciara’s tormentors used ask.fm but closing the site down would be a pointless exercise because it would be replaced faster than it takes you to log on.

And therein lies the challenge facing every parent and every child venturing forth into the unknown world where they form friendships, alliances, develop interests and organise their social life.

Basically where they live lives almost unimaginable to even the youngest and most tech-savvy parents.

There has hardly been a generation of children in the history of humanity that live their lives, that communicates with each other, in ways so very different to the ways their parents embraced the world so they could find their place in it.

This change imposes a responsibility on everyone involved in young people’s lives. Schools have some but, as ever, the far greater burden falls on parents.

Unfortunately too many are ill-equipped to assess what their children are exposed to online. Unfortunately, and naturally, their intrusive questioning is unwelcome by teenage children becoming ever more independent.

Attempts to limit the time spent by children online are often the catalyst for the kind of family rows every home can do without but, as Erin and Ciara have sadly shown, hoping for the best is not an option.

Because so much time is spent online the normal, traditional social skills — how to hold a conversation, how to interact, even having empathy and the basic manners that show respect for each other — are not being developed. This adds to the sense of isolation some young people feel and drives them back into the arms of the online “community” they imagine real.

So what is to be done?

Parents must develop the IT skills needed to understand their children’s online lives. Parents must try to develop relationships with their children that are trusting enough to allow parents an overview of what their children are involved in online no matter how difficult that might be.

And children, if this can ever be possible, must accept that they do not know everything and that most parents intrude because they want to protect them from something far more dangerous than your mother occasionally looking at your Facebook account.

We can change the Constitution to protect children, we can crack down on service providers, we can identify and prosecute online bullies, we can make our children more robust in the face of these attacks but, in our heart of hearts, we all know where this war will be won or lost.

Let us hope we are equal to the task.