Kenny risking defeat as referendum campaign falters

THOUGH he is not really a Muppet in the pejorative sense of the word, Enda Kenny would make a good Sesame Street character.

His mild manner and eagerness to please at all costs would see him fit in well with the likes of Big Bird and the Cookie Monster.

True, his opposition to gay marriage equality would make him seem laughably out of step with the Bert and Ernie sleeping together situation, but with the EU referendum Yes campaign in danger of careering-off the rails, Enda could do worse that take tips on setting the political agenda from Elmo.

It is already beginning to look like the faltering Yes campaign has little left to lose — apart from the May 31 poll, of course — so in their increasing desperation they may well try to emulate the Anglo-American parliamentary fashion of attempting the showbizisation of all matters political in order to try and attract the X Factor generation, which this week saw Russell Brand give evidence to a Commons select committee on dealing with drug addiction.

This followed the landmark appearance of Sesame Street bad boy Elmo when he became the only non-human, or puppet, to testify before the US Congress, after he was called before the House Appropriations Subcommittee on Labour, Health and Human Services and Education in Apr 2002 — using the platform to demand support for increased funding in music education.

Indeed, Elmo became so political he had a guest appearance in The West Wing and his raised profile saw him dubbed “the red menace” as fans of older characters like Big Bird and The Cookie Monster complained their favourites had been sidelined due to Elmo’s influence on Capitol Hill (I’m not making this up).

Brand’s Commons appearance was an equally naked attempt to garner cheap publicity by the politicos, though without a script, or a puppet master inside him, he failed to live up to Elmo’s standard, despite the fact he definitely knows more about Class A drugs than the Sesame Street fur-ball — whatever the Cookie Monster and Big Bird may bitch behind his back to the contrary.

Warned the committee was in danger of running out of time, Brand responded: “Time is infinite, we can’t run out of time,” which though smart arsedly true, only added to the feeling that indulgence for the comedian is finite, especially as, despite years of being off it on crack and heroin, his only advice seemed to be that addicts need a good hug.

Given the appalling state of Irish popular culture, we would probably end up with the likes of Jedward and Twink pontificating on the merits of tax harmonisation across the Eurozone here.

But Enda certainly needs to do something dramatic to make the electorate engage — and nodding off in public was probably not the best metaphor for a Taoiseach in danger of sleepwalking to a No vote in the looming EU referendum.

Just like Lisbon One, a complacent Government has left it too late to get out of the traps and allowed anti-treaty forces to make all the early running, and nobody in the Real World has much of a clue what the whole thing is about anyway — and cares even less.

But the nightmare for Enda is that there is a palpable, but dislocated, feeling of anger in the country which as yet lacks a focus or channel but could very easily be expressed in a backlash No vote.

Brian Cowen suffered a crushing, humiliating, early blow to his authority by taking the electorate for granted on a Euro poll and Mr Kenny could well be heading the same way.

There is no positive spin for this Treaty, because it was a cobbled together compromise which has already been overtaken by history, economics and the shifting priorities of the continental electorate.

It is just desperate for former Taoiseach John Bruton to say we have to vote Yes otherwise we will have to turn to the international equivalent of “loan sharks” to keep the country going should a rejection of the treaty lock us out of a second bailout.

The whole, shrill, panic-stricken tone of the Yes campaign has been brilliantly parodied in a video posted on YouTube called “Vote Yes For Fiscal Compact Treaty — Yes For Jobs”, in which a young woman in a smart suit demands to know: “What the fuck is your problem? D’you know what’s going to happen if you vote no? Have you ever seen Mad Max? Have you ever been to Longford? D’you want to get us kicked out of the EU — is that what youse is at? D’you want to go back to being the black speck of TB on the lungs of Europe?

“No more Aldi, no more Lidl — it will be paedophile priests in Aran sweaters drinking cuddle out of your potholes ‘til the end of your days if you bog brains vote no....”

With four out of ten people still undecided, the drift of recent weeks seems to have definitely been with the anti-side — even French presidential front-runner Francois Hollande came tantalisingly close to urging the Irish to vote No.

But then Sinn Féin have not been doing themselves any favours by using selective quotes from three leading economists to attack the treaty — despite the slightly inconvenient fact the trio all favour a Yes vote.

As Micheal Noonan deliciously summed-up the Shinner embarrassment: “I thought that for people with such experience of the courts system, that to be drawing witnesses for the prosecution in was a mistake.”

Sinn Féin also got it wrong by insisting Ireland has a veto over the European Stability Mechanism agreement which is the one that dictates countries outside of the fiscal compact treaty will not be eligible for fresh bailout funds.

In fact it becomes ratified when countries providing 90% of the funding for the arrangement decide it does — but is it really credible that the EU would still punish an Ireland that says No in such a way?

Unlikely really given the long history of European fudges and false threats to member states.

Especially as an economically crippled Ireland forced to default would trigger contagion across the continental banking system.

This, together with the Coalition’s repeated — and ridiculous — instence it would never dream of taking out a second bailout anyway, rather undermines what seems to be the only shot in the Yes campaign’s locker.

It’s little wonder Enda wants to sleep the whole thing out.

But it looks like turning into a nightmare for him, with the red menace Elmo sneaking into Enda’s dreams and announcing in the manner the Sesame Street show: “This referendum is brought to you with the letters ‘N’ and ‘O’ and the number Big Fat Zero....”