“See that woman... she talks to dogs”

MY sister, who is two glasses of Pinot down, has just introduced me as someone who ‘lives in the back arse of nowhere’ to an acquaintance of hers at a party in London, just before whisking off to get herself a refill.

I explain to my sister’s acquaintance that I live in West Cork, Ireland.

“I’ve never been to Ireland,” she says, “where’s West Cork?”