“This has west Cork written all over it, I think.”

MY FRIEND has an air of innocence, which sits at odds with what happens when she opens her mouth. Double entendres come out of nowhere and I’m never quite sure how artless this double entendre business is, precisely.

Like I said, her naïve, credulous countenance is bamboozling.

“Ooh, look at your knob,” she says this morning, to no one in particular, as she enters my kitchen. “Ooh, you’ve got a new knob. I like your knob.” Gamely, my husband tries to carry on making tea. After taking a covert glance down at his zipper, he follows her gaze and discovers that she’s looking at our kitchen cupboards, eyebrows raised appreciatively. “More than one knob, too! They’re everywhere,” she says, casting her eye around the kitchen. “Where did you get them?” Before I have a chance to respond, she interjects, “and your bush!” She exclaims this suddenly, swivelling round to face me, “I’ve never seen your bush before, it’s lovely.”