A low opinion of highest office in the land?

ANYBODY out there with a bit of get-up-and-go? In particular, we’re looking for somebody who’s good at selling. You will be required to spend time on the road, flogging your wares in foreign capitals.

A few other specifications. You should be able to string a few words together, which, in certain circumstances, might extend into a speech. You will be an excellent conversationalist. You must know the right knife and fork to use at banquets. Being able to converse in European languages, or to at least give the impression of doing so, would be an added advantage.

Other extras that might enhance your chances include the ability to hug with feeling. A capacity to feel the pain of others, or at least give the impression of doing so, will also serve you well at the interview stage.

The successful candidate will enjoy excellent terms and conditions, starting on a salary of €250,000. The job comes with a big house, a retinue of staff, and room and board all thrown in.

The above job advertisement for the role of president is as worthy of consideration as some of the notions that are currently being thrown around. In these turbulent economic and political times, it is unclear what exactly the office stands for.

Last week, the Irish-American businessman Niall O’Dowd intimated that he is gearing up for a run at the job. He said on radio last week that he would be “the best travelling salesman that Ireland has ever had.”

Is that what is required of a president?

O’Dowd is a person of substance, a pivotal figure in Irish-American circles. He played a crucial role in the Northern Ireland peace process. And he can open doors in the US Democratic party.

But he hasn’t lived on this side of the Atlantic for 30 years. Now he wants to return to flog the country, as president?

The previous week, Labour’s Kathleen O’Meara entered the race for her party’s nomination. She told Morning Ireland she wants to “start a conversation … and as president I would lead that conversation.” More talk? To what end?

David Norris has made all the right noises about what he would do if elected, but he is thrashing around in a sea of innuendo dredged up from his past. Sean Gallagher and Mary Davis have declared their intentions, and their views of what the office entails. Lots of talking with hands, reaching out and touching, making the world a better place.

Gay Mitchell entered the race on Friday, apparently because John Bruton bowed out. Nothing in the race is as fascinating as the goings-on in Fine Gael. Michael D Higgins and Fergus Finlay are keeping their heads down, ahead of the Labour party’s nomination process.

It will be notable if any of the candidates makes a gesture like offering, if elected, to work for the same salary as a TD. What do they want the money for? The president has practically no living expenses.

In any event, the crowded field is all down to the demise of Fianna Fáil. Traditionally, the race for the Aras involved a nominee of Fianna Fáil, and one or more others. Since first coming to power in 1932, the ‘soldiers of destiny’ put their person into the presidency on all but one occasion. Mary Robinson’s election in 1990 bucked the trend.

The loss concentrated party minds. It was accepted that the electorate was no longer willing to award the office to retired, elderly politicians. In 1997, a quick root around for an alternative led to the door of Mary McAleese. Young, female and bright, she was just what the party ordered. Albert Reynolds was given the bum’s rush and Fianna Fáil had its person back in the Aras.

Now the FF brand is toxic. The party looks like it won’t even stand a candidate. Even most independents would flee from the prospect of endorsement from the party.

The vacuum has been filled by the many and varied. Secure in the knowledge that the office really is up for grabs, all are reaching to distinguish themselves from the competition.

All of which brings us to the hilarity within Fine Gael. As of yesterday, two candidates from within the party have declared, Mitchell and his fellow MEP, Mairead McGuinness. Both are popular figures within the party, but their appeal to the wider electorate remains to be tested.

Coming up on the right is the figure of Pat Cox, who applied for party membership in the last fortnight. All the indications are that the party bigwigs are set on the idea of Cox running. Such a shotgun wedding reflects poorly on the Blueshirts.

In the first instance, the wish to parachute in Cox suggests that the party is desperately eager to win the election, to continue the tradition of treating the presidency as a feather in the cap. In this day and age, with all we’ve been through, it’s a sad indictment of Fine Gael that it can’t move away from that out-of-date notion.

Then, having determined that they really, really want to win it, they look around the party ranks and it suddenly dawns that they don’t have a candidate to carry the flag.

Fine Gael has just won power with the best result in its history. In the throes of a major recession, the party is still achieving opinion poll ratings of 40%. The wind is at its back. Yet it can’t produce a candidate who might connect with the voters? When Fianna Fáil was cock-o-the-walk, the idea that they would recruit from outside party ranks for the plum job would have been preposterous. It’s all very sad.

And what of Cox the carpetbagger? Were he to run as an independent, he would be a highly-credible candidate. Leave aside for a minute the insufferable arrogance of the man. He is a former president of the European parliament, and a heavy intellectual hitter. He knows the right knife and fork with which to eat. He wouldn’t have too much trouble adopting a statesmanlike pose.

When he dons the clothes of a carpetbagger, however, much of his credibility diminishes. He began his political life as a member of Fianna Fáil. He prospered when he migrated to the Progressive Democrats. When the PDs selected Dessie O’Malley to run for Europe in 1994, instead of Cox, the ‘bould’ Pat upped sticks, went independent and beat the pants off O’Malley. He has been an independent voice since. Joining Fine Gael now reduces him to the status of naked opportunist.

But wait! Is that a true Blueshirt entering from the left. Gay Mitchell’s declaration is putting it up to Enda Kenny and the West Wing types who call the shots in the party. Here is a longstanding bruiser of a politician. Blue blood flows through his veins. And now he is willing to allow his name go forward to thwart the carpetbagger and retain honour for his party.

The defined role of the president may be under attack right now, but at least we’re due a bit of fun in watching some of these people slug it out. And remember lads, a TD’s salary. Alright?