Ins and outs of a morning journey that may end with severe tunnel vision

IF you happen to find yourself free some morning during the working week and are wondering how you could fritter away about two hours of your time, then wonder no more because I have the answer: jump into your car and head to the roundabout at Midleton to begin a great adventure.

Timing for this event is all-important — it must take place between 7am and 9.30am, Monday to Friday.

Be amazed at your fellow journeymen as they jockey for position to get onto the main Midleton-Cork highway for their daily commute.

Watch as your fellow travellers seem to drive so close to each other that you would be forgiven for assuming everyone on this journey has known each other since childhood and all feel compelled to exchange the details of their everyday lives through the car window each morning.

Pass the new 60km/h speedtrap outside the now-abandoned Amgen site and try to come up with some reason as to why traffic lights were installed there instead of a flyover.

As your journey continues, you will notice that the traffic is starting to back up on the ‘fast’ lane and you soon discover you have a large tractor and trailer moving at about 30km/h in the ‘slow’ lane, forcing everyone out to the right.

After you pass Little Island, the real fun begins. This is where traffic really starts to pile up — and this is where you really could have a conversation with the driver opposite if you were willing to risk adding to your penalty points total.

As you sit in the queue, you now have to decide which way to go if you are heading for the city.

Will you head for the Dunkettle roundabout or the Jack Lynch tunnel?

This is not an easy option, and it might even give the National Lottery an opportunity to add to its revenue stream. They could sell Jack Lynch Tunnel lottery scratch cards. As you sit in traffic, you could scratch the card to reveal the day the tunnel is closed this week, or is reduced to one lane.

The prize could be free travel for life on the Midleton-Cork railway.

As your journey is just about at the midway point, it is time to ponder the possible alternatives available to the

citizens of east Cork. That should take about a nanosecond as there is none.

In the next 10 years I’m sure you will hear our then transport minister say at election time, “The Cork-Midleton railway line will open shortly.”

Please note, terms and conditions apply, and this offer is subject to change at any time.

Welcome to the M50. All we are missing is the toll bridge.

Barry Acheson

Seaview Park

Ballycotton

Co Cork