A laryngitis pandemic would be the perfect present for a nation of wafflers

The voice came back at the weekend, thank you. And if you were one of the people who telephoned me last week and could hear nothing from my end of the line but heavy breathing, I do apologise.

Laryngitis.

Well, what’s so funny about that? Being without a voice, for some reason, suspends other people’s sympathy and stimulates their humour. If you tell people you’ve lost your leg, they don’t tend to fall around the place.