Good day for Man U, bad day for Bertie

HOW does a Taoiseach shoot himself in the foot?

By giving a doorstep interview in Clare.

How does a Taoiseach shoot himself in the other foot?

By giving a doorstep interview in Cavan.

The first rule of politics.

If you’re explaining, you’re losing.

The same rule, as modified by Enoch Powell.

All political careers end in failure.

The sign that Fianna Fáil is in the throes of a major crisis.

Brian Cowen making his first appearance on Morning Ireland since the controversy erupted.

The hardest thing of all for a Taoiseach to say.

Sorry. I was wrong.

One person who is not on Michael McDowell’s Christmas card list.

Brian Cowen.

One person who is not on Brian Cowen’s Christmas card list.

Michael McDowell.

One thing that happened on September 18, 1994.

Manchester United beat Liverpool 2-0 at Old Trafford. Attendance 43,740. Kanchelskis, McClair netted.

Another thing that could have happened on September 18, 1994.

Bertie Ahern spoke at a dinner in Manchester. Attendance 25. Bertie was the only one who netted, in his case stg£8,000 (€11,800).

The public face of the average Fianna Fáil TD this weekend.

The Mayo team confronting the Dublin fans on Hill 16.

The private face of the average Fianna Fáil TD this weekend.

The Mayo team immediately after the All Ireland final.

Define a repayable loan?

Getting money from friends who then refuse to take it back.

Define a debt of honour?

See above.

When is a minister not a minister?

When he pays for his own flight to Manchester and doesn’t read from a script prepared by a civil servant?

Dublin South West deputy Charlie O’Connor’s strategy for dealing with the crisis.

Make sure to mention Tallaght at least once in every sentence.

What line from Seamus Heaney could inspire Brian Cowen when advising the Taoiseach this weekend.

Whatever you say, say nothing.

Where the Taoiseach was yesterday?

Trudging through sticky ground at the Ploughing Championship.

Where Taoiseach has been for the past ten days?

Trudging through sticky ground.

Where Michael McDowell was yesterday?

Also at the ploughing championship, but he found an elevated spot.

High ground?

Something like that.

What do Ballyjamesduff and Bertie Ahern have in common?

Paddy Reilly?

Who went back to Ballyjamesduff this week?

Bertie Ahern?

Who’s the best man to sort out the cracks that have appeared in Government?

Paddy the Plasterer

Who would have been an even better man to have been friends with?

Paddy the Plumber (sorting out the leaks).

Things that Bertie Ahern will not answer questions about.

His Holy Communion money. His confirmation money. What he got for his birthday.

An interesting thing Brian Cowen said about the PDs.

When in doubt, get them out.

harry.mcgee@examiner.ie

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