It’s about to pour on all those bogus savings for a rainy day

THE nearest I ever came to being a bogus non-resident, probably like a lot of people, was in giving a false name and address to a guard for some minor misdemeanour — like being caught after hours in a pub.

The qualms I had about attempting to pervert the course of justice in giving false details overshadowed that of being convicted for being found out. In the event, I needn't have worried because we were under the protection of a pubIican who knew how to keep an endorsement off his licence.

Qualms is probably too small a word to describe the state of mind of up to 60,000 people whose status as bogus non-residents has brought them to the attention of the Revenue Commissioners, an organisation that makes the gardaí look like boy scouts.

Their problem is that some years ago they had handy nest eggs which they didn't want the taxman to hatch and so used false names and addresses to hide them. They did so with the connivance of their local, friendly banks, who told them exactly how to go about avoiding tax.

But now it's payback time and the Revenue lads are looking for something like €600 million from them, which for years was supposed to belong to people living anywhere from Birmingham to the Bronx.

Bogus non-resident accounts, to give them their correct title, are largely held by self-employed people, or by somebody who was lucky enough to come in for a nice little windfall, and wanted to hang onto it for the famous rainy day. Unfortunately for them, it's about to pour.

While they are not in the same league as the pillars of society who appeared in the Ansbacher list, the sin is the same as far as the Revenue Commissioners are concerned.

The day of reckoning is to about to dawn, and the restitution will be punitive. That it will be so costly is entirely their own fault. They could have come clean before the end of last November, when a kind of amnesty was in place, but they chose not to.

Ironically, those same banks which were so forthcoming on how to dodge the taxman, are now being even more forthcoming with the taxman about how to dump on the dodgers. They're handing over names and addresses quicker than they're putting on bank charges, and they have to because of special powers given to the taxman by the High Court.

As a last ditch effort, the tax dodgers can, of course, try to put all the blame on the banks which advised them. To help them in this, an organisation started by a retired bank official and called the Action Group for Non-Resident Account Holders has been formed. Naturally, they want to put the blame on the banks and involve them in any future settlements that may be made with the Revenue.

It would probably be easier to settle with the taxman. Obviously, with 60,000 people out there who have probably never even seen Birmingham nor the Bronx, never mind never having lived there, the taxman has a huge job in tracing them. So far, 1,800 of the bogus non-resident account holders have been identified. It's rather a dilemma for the rest as to whether they should own up, or take a gamble that they just might escape the taxman's trawl.

Nowadays, if you have been doing something for years Obviously, if you have been doing something for most of your life, and in some cases probably enjoying it, and then realised that it was bad for your health, pocket or peace of mind, then somebody else has to be blamed. Never mind that indulging your little predilection was entirely up to you. Now, if there are consequences, then somebody other than yourself must be to blame especially if it could prove to be a nice little earner.

Cigarette smokers in Ireland are taking the lead from addicts in America and have started a copycat class action against the tobacco manufacturers. McDonald's and Burger King could be the next to feel the heat here, like they are in the United States, as people whose eyes were bigger than their bellies blame the fast food joints because they now can't see their feet because of enormous waists.

Class actions have now become so prevalent that it's not beyond the bounds of reason that condom makers Durex could face one from people who wished they never were born but were, because of a fault in the product.

Irish soccer fans who took out loans or re-mortgaged their houses to get to Japan might have an action against Mick McCarthy for sending Roy Keane home and thus ruining their World Cup trip.

The latest one to emerge in this country could be a winner and that's what some people are gambling on, even though they shouldn't be. Gambling, I mean. A firm of solicitors in Waterford , MW Keller & Son, are acting for people who want to sue the State because they were put on the road to ruin as kids and ended up adult gambling addicts.

Laying the blame on the rest of us arises because somebody spotted a quirk in our laws governing gambling. Basically, as kids they got hooked on betting on the tote in greyhound and horseracing tracks. Under the Totalisator Act, 1929, there is no age restriction on placing bets. Once you can walk and talk and have the wherewithal, you can have a go on the tote. On the other hand, under the Betting Acts of 1926 and 1931, which govern bookmakers, laying bets with bookies in their office or on race courses is restricted to people over 18 years of age.

The Waterford firm of solicitors has now produced a booklet, or brochure, which provides the form for any gambler who wants to sue the taxpayers of this country for getting addicted to the gee-gees or the dogs.

Although the title sounds like a Eurovision entry from the '80s, Addicted to Gambling? Who, Me? is a four-page publication, with another four-page questionnaire, full of tips for the would be litigant.

Apparently, according to preliminary counsel's opinion, this class action is a runner. One little problem, though, may crop up, especially if you're an old stager with the betting slip that is the question of the Statute of Limitations. This usually means that you have six years in which to go to law if you feel you have a case of action. Obviously, if you started gambling with your Holy Communion money and you're now in your mid-50s, you might feel that the Statute might be a bit of a handicap. But this is not necessarily so because the courts have the discretion to apply the statute from the date you realised a wrong had been done to you.

If you've been gambling all your life and have nothing to show for it, that realisation should have dawned on you at the end of the last sentence. At the very worst, it's a kind of each-way gamble. So, if you have ever helped the kids stick a pin in the list of Grand National runners, you could be heading for court.

The next thing you know is that members of the Irish army will be suing the Government because a lack of ear muffs caused them to go deaf when they were shooting blanks. But that's really a bit too far-fetched.