April fool proves voters wouldn't put anything past this Government

TO the casual observer it might have appeared that the women of Cork — and quite a few men — had suddenly and en masse become madly interested in the antics of a seemingly demented leader of the Labour Party.

They could have been forgiven because in bars and coffee shops on Wednesday even the smoking ban was forgotten and the conversations were about the Rampant Rabbit. But this was not a reference to political cavortings in the Dáil.

Quite simply, the Ann Summers store had arrived, and while cavorting was in mind, it most certainly did not include a political animal.

It brought in its wake the prospect of tingling erotic anticipation, and even the possibility of another outbreak of myxomatosis will not deter the women from lamping these Rampant Rabbits.

Traditionally a pursuit engaged in by men in the dead of night to put a stew in the pot, women can now go lamping at any time of the day or night and the pot is the last place the rabbit will end up. They don't even have to go traipsing all over the countryside with a torch to snare one of this new breed of wildlife. All they need is €50, a leisurely stroll down Princes Street and a couple of batteries.

And if they don't want to shock their prudish pals, they can always say they're popping into the market across the street for a bit of drisheen and that won't be too far removed from the truth.

From the reaction so far to the arrival of Ann Summers it's not a seasonal thing but a very welcome addition to the shopping landscape, as far as women are concerned.

Maybe men should be concerned from a different aspect, because apparently the Rampant Rabbit can perform much longer than the five hours Bertie Ahern was on the stand for his performance at the Mahon Tribunal.

And there's no chit-chat necessary.

To go from the sublime to the ridiculous, a thought struck me last week which just about reflects the Government and the fact that we believe they are liable to come up with the most idiotic ideas.

The smoking ban became effective last Monday week, and while I don't think it's idiotic, it is an extreme measure which was not thought out logically.

The fact is that the ban is now here, something which nobody would have thought possible a few years ago, or that any government would even consider, despite all the expensive television and advertising campaigns to educate us about the dangers.

The ban was followed three days later by April 1, and like many other newspapers, the Irish Examiner carried an April Fool's Day spoof. The heading on it read: "Martin imposes six-pint-a-week limit to fight binge drinking." The story said that the Government was to introduce radical measures whereby each Irish citizen over 18 years of age was to be given an annual alcohol quota equivalent to six pints or four glasses of wine.

Quantities of alcohol consumed would be recorded on an individual swipe card and those exceeding the limit would be penalised by having to pay special penalties ranging from €100 to €10,000.

Incredible though it may seem, quite a number of people believed it. They believed it because they believe that this Government is capable of doing anything no matter how ludicrous and no matter what the opposition to it from any section of society.

Go back to Charlie McCreevy's duplicitous statement before the last general election that there would be no cutbacks, secret or otherwise. Recalling their arrogance since regaining power on that fraudulent basis, it's easy to see how people don't trust them to act rationally.

That, plus the fact that we have opposition parties who don't know how to oppose means the country is left at the mercy of an egotistic, self-important conglomeration which is totally out of touch with ordinary people.

A salient point about the opposition parties was made this week by John Deasy, the Fine Gaeler who was thrown out of his frontbench job because of his childish protest in smoking in the Dáil bar. This was a particularly stupid stunt, which I can only hope was an aberration, because up to then he brought a refreshing brightness to the Dáil and spoke out on important issues.

This week in an RTÉ interview he was scathing in his criticism of some of the denizens of our parliament.

The Oireachtas lacked dynamism and people who were there for the last 15 or 20 years were there for the good life.

'THERE's nothing noble about notoriety. I actually think I'm normal," he said. "I actually think the vast majority of Dáil members are terrified to be criticised by the press. They would be terrified if they take a stand on something or say something that is going to be criticised," said the Waterford man.

About his own party, he said they could be a bit more decisive and could take stands on issues that were unpopular.

"I think we need to mean something. I think that two years after a very bad general election, I'm not so sure that we mean any more than we did then," he said in a criticism which was not aimed at the leader, Enda Kenny.

Having uttered his frank appraisal of his own party and the Dáil, John Deasy was described by a variety of senior Fine Gael figures as either "immature" or "self-serving" or "puerile", or even all three.

Shooting the messenger always was the retreat of those who didn't like the message. Whereas John Deasy's act of smoking three cigarettes in the Dáil bar was immature, that one infraction does not validate a judgment from some of his older colleagues that the man himself is self-serving or immature.

After all, like them, he was able to recognise a nice comfortable, well-paid berth in the Dáil.

Unlike them, he was prepared to speak out and I think it's a pity he had to be removed from the job as justice spokesman, although Enda Kenny really had no option.

The only hope of redemption, it would seem, is, perversely, in the hands of ordinary Fianna Fáil people in cumainn all over the country who are becoming increasingly exasperated at the dictatorial attitude of their party in government.

There are plenty of them out there who believe the leadership has completely lost the run of themselves and it's those on the ground who are bearing the brunt of the backlash, because the TDs are rarely to be sighted.

Why wouldn't they be disillusioned when they, like the rest of us, see the antics of a government which on occasion even does U-turns on its own u-turns.

The latest one is that Minister for Justice, Michael McDowell, has resurrected the extra 2,000 gardaí that were promised before the general election, and never appeared once the FF-PD coalition were ensconced in power again. Taoiseach Bertie Ahern quickly interred the suggestion then. So you would have to wonder whether they ever discuss matters at the Cabinet meetings.

It might be better if the country was run by Rampant Rabbits at least half the electorate would be satisfied.