So I bought vegetables and for 27 years I made my offspring eat them

My children had all sorts of lofty ambitions when they were little: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, doggy rescuer, famous gymnast, Georgie Best. “Vegetable Eater” never got a mention. 

And seeing as this wasn’t on their list of achievable goals, I put it on mine.

Somewhere near the top. I can’t remember where exactly – it’s a long time ago – but it was up there anyway.