Family of missing Cork man Patrick O’Sullivan discover the truth after 34 years
(Left to right) Patrick 'Patsy' O'Sullivan and his husband, Stephen Aldridge, at a family wedding in England in 2007.
The niece of a man who vanished from Cork more than 30 years ago has said that, despite spending most of her childhood with himself and his husband, she had no idea he had fled Ireland to live in the UK as a proud gay man.
The revealed earlier this week that Patrick 'Patsy' O'Sullivan, who vanished from Cork in 1992, had willingly left Ireland to start a new life.
Gardaí announced on Tuesday that Patrick had been found deceased in England. He had been missing for 34 years, having disappeared from Lombardstown in Mallow.
At the time of his vanishing, he had been working as a chef in Killarney. He was due to return to Cork for a family christening, but failed to turn up at the event, prompting his family to raise the alarm.
Patrick's brother, Jerry O'Sullivan, said the family was informed in August that Patrick died two years ago, on July 5, 2024, as a result of urinary sepsis.
Jerry revealed to the , for the first time, that he believed Patrick left to start a new life in London due to being a gay man in Ireland in the 1990s.
Homosexuality was only decriminalised in Ireland in 1993. Jerry believes that public scrutiny, and the cultural environment in Ireland at the time, had led to his brother's decision to leave.
However, Jerry said the decision left the family without answers, sparking a three-decade hunt for information.
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Following his brother's move to England, Jerry said they now know he changed his name in 1995 to Patrick Aldridge.
He said this name change ultimately contributed to a lack of leads on his missing persons case, despite their continuous efforts to find him.
Jerry revealed that Aldridge was the surname of Patrick's husband, Stephen Aldridge, who died in 2022 from chronic heart disease.
Nikki Aldridge, who was the niece and goddaughter of Patrick's husband, told the about his life in the UK. She recounted memories spent as a family on holiday in Essex, and days spent picnicking at Victoria Park in East London.
The 40-year-old said despite spending the vast majority of her childhood with her uncles, she was never aware of Patrick's status as a missing person in Ireland.
"We had no idea. It came as a complete shock to me and my whole family," said Nikki.
"The link brought me to an article about a missing person. I sent the article to my mum, read it, and saw that it said Patrick O'Sullivan.
"We did know that had been his name, but we didn't recognise the name Patsy, we never knew him as Patsy, just uncle Pat.
"I went on a bit of a deep dive after that. Realising that it was actually him, I felt compelled to get in touch with his family in Ireland."
Nikki said she then made contact with An Garda Síochána, informing them of who she was, but was told she would be given a call back.
"I couldn't wait to speak to his family, it had to be done there and then," said Nikki.
"I didn't have any names, just O'Sullivan, and trying to find a singular O'Sullivan in Ireland was like trying to find a needle in a haystack."
Nikki said she searched social media for more familial links, where she found Patrick's nephew, Mark, and his brother, Jerry.
She said she spoke to both of them separately on the phone, unearthing a wealth of information about her uncle.
"It's shocking. I don't know how to put it into words, because obviously for us as a family, we never knew him as a missing person," she said.
"He had always been in my life, and although he didn't tell us much about his past, we just thought he'd left home and that was it.
"He had told me he wasn't welcome in Ireland, that his family didn't agree with him being gay, but to find out now that his family loved him, and were looking for him, I don't know why he lied, because it clearly wasn't the case.
"Any time we brought up his family, he very much closed down, he wouldn't talk about it," she added.
"In my opinion, I think it was easier for him to say that than to explain the physical and mental abuse he must have tolerated while being in a country that didn't accept him for who he was."
Describing Patrick's impact on her life, Nikki said she spent a lot of time with him, and inherited his love of 90s pop music.
"He was very flamboyant, easy to talk to, and friendly," said Nikki. "He was just part of the furniture, he was a big part of my childhood growing up.
"I had an amazing childhood with Stephen and Pat. They were always together, they came as a package deal, there was no one without the other.
"I remember them taking me to Gay Pride for the first time, they were very open and happy. They didn't hide the fact that they were gay.
"I have loads of memories with them, spending weekends together having picnics in Victoria Park and going on family holidays to Northampton.
"They gave me my taste in music — they loved listening to 90s pop, like ABBA, Madonna, and Boyzone. They gave me my first album, which was Kylie Minogue's greatest hits."
Nikki said Patrick and Stephen met in a pub in London in late 1993, and were later married in the early 2000s — although the marriage was not legally binding.
"They took it very seriously, they were very much in love," she said. "I know my uncle Stephen would have loved to have known Pat's family. Stephen loved children and would have taken all of Pat's nieces and nephews under his wing.
Following the death of her uncle Stephen, Nikki said Patrick cut ties with their family without explanation.
"I don't know why he did that, whether it was his pride, or if we reminded him too much of Stephen," she said.
"It was about eight months after Stephen died that he cut ties with us. Then he met Tina, who looked after him."
Jerry told the that Patrick had been cared for by a woman until his death, who later paid for his cremation and spread his ashes with his husband's at a familiar location in London.
"I didn't find out that Pat had died until two months after. Which came as a devastating blow, because if I had known he was unwell, I would have been there," said Nikki. "Thankfully, Tina was there to do that for him."
Nikki said she is due to meet Jerry next month, saying while she has since lost Patrick and Stephen, she has now "gained another uncle".
"Jerry and the O'Sullivan's had the first 30 years of Patrick's life, and we had the last 30-odd years, so meeting up is about bringing those pieces together and making a whole story," she said.
"I really want to show him Stephen and Pat's life. I want to bring him to East London to show him where he worked as an auxiliary nurse, to their favourite fish and chip shop, to my nan's house where they stayed, and to Victoria Park.
"There are so many questions on both sides that we'll probably never get answers to, but I hope Jerry and I can take comfort in sharing memories and understanding that he was never forgotten by them, and was very much a part of our family over here.
"It's just heartbreaking that we'll never have answers. We will never know why he did what he did, why he never reached out.
"I hope people don't hold resentment towards him, because he wasn't a horrible man, he was just doing it to protect himself, and that's what it boils down to."
In hearing of Patrick's impact on Nikki's life, Jerry said that it was "heartwarming to hear how hands-on Patsy was as an uncle, but I feel a sense of sorrow for what my family missed out on".
"I just can't wait to get off the plane next month and meet every one of them, but Nikki, she's the one I want to embrace, she seemed to be a huge part of both Patsy and Stephen's life," said Jerry.
"My love never wavered for Patsy, but we never said it to each other and it kills me now that I never got the chance to tell him.
"It's tough, but I take comfort that he had a good life," he added.
"When we get back from visiting England, we're going to put together a memory box for Patsy, we'll put in pictures of himself and Stephen, and I'm going to bury it with my parents.
"I never had a place to go to for Patsy, so we'll put his name on the headstone and that will bring us a bit of clarity."
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