93% of women say partner threatened to post intimate images or videos when they have a fight

'Your partner demanding to look through your phone and knowing all your passwords is a common red flag of abuse,' says Mary Hayes who leads the Women's Aid #TooIntoYou campaign. Picture: iStock

The extent of coercive control, sexual pressure, and violence in young people’s relationships has been laid bare in the results of an online relationship quiz published this morning.

Of the 20,000 respondents to the Women’s Aid’s quiz:

• 93% (15,887) said their partner has threatened to post explicit or intimate images or videos when they have a fight;
• 83% (12,929) said their partner has hit them once, and they’re afraid they will do it again; 
• 72% (12,667) said the person they’re going out with always demands to look through their phone and to know all their passwords;
• 69% (10,465) said their partner has forced or pressured them to do something sexual they didn’t want to do.

Mary Hayes, who leads the Women’s Aid #TooIntoYou campaign, said that, for many young people, the signs of abuse can be difficult to spot because they have become normalised as part of their relationships. She said: 

Your partner demanding to look through your phone and knowing all your passwords is a common red flag of abuse.

“In young relationships, it can be confusing because if this is seen as the norm, it sets a precedent for other unhealthy behaviours which can get worse and more dangerous over time.”

It feeds into a message that men are entitled to power and control in their intimate relationships with women, Ms Hayes warned.

National Women’s Council (NWC) director Orla O’Connor said the Women’s Aid findings show there is “a long way to go” in confronting misogyny and coercive control among young men.

Although legislation on the sharing or threats to reveal intimate imagery has been helpful, the quiz results highlight the need for sex education reform in schools, she added.

“What way are we educating our young men in terms of what a healthy relationship is?” said Ms O’Connor. “It really shines a light on the importance of the current review of our sex education programme. There is a lot to be done there, because we know how poor sex education is in schools.”

Barrister and author Doireann O’Mahony, who has spoken out about suffering an abusive relationship, said that a major cultural shift is needed to stamp out this unacceptable behaviour.

“What is particularly exasperating about the latest statistics is that the high level of intimate relationship abuse experienced by young Irish women just doesn’t seem to be improving,” she said. 

“This is so despite the best efforts of gardaí and organisations like Women’s Aid, as well as the many women — and men — who have spoken out against it in recent times.

“One wonders what it will take for meaningful change to come about. The Irish as a society have successfully managed to stamp out other socially unacceptable behaviours in the past, but this is one area in which we are repeatedly failing.

"It is particularly distressing that 83% of respondents said their partner has hit them once and are afraid they will do it again - because of course they are right. If it happens once it will happen again.”