Cork barrister reveals mental and physical abuse in former relationship
Doireann O'Mahony urges others not to ignore 'red flags' — the telltale signs that someone you're in a relationship might abuse you: 'I ignored them, and it only ever got worse,' she says. Picture: Miki Barlok
A well-known barrister says she has "taken her power back" after speaking openly about the mental and physical abuse she endured while in a coercive-control relationship.
Junior counsel Doireann O’Mahony hopes her story of life with an abusive boyfriend will help other young women who may be in a similar position.
“This kind of behaviour thrives in silence,” she told the . "But this can happen to anybody. I feel now that I’ve taken my power back."
In an interview with podcast, Ms O’Mahony, 32, revealed how she endured physical and mental abuse in the relationship.
She said everything was normal and exciting at the start, and while she knew he had a temper, and anger issues, she overlooked it and didn’t make an issue of them.
“There was something very magnetic about him; I was just happy,” she said.
She had been raised in a warm, loving, and supportive family environment and had never been treated badly by anybody until about six months into the relationship when he exhibited controlling behaviour, asking why she was wearing certain nail varnish, who was she trying to impress, and who was texting her.
She spoke of how he physically attacked her after an argument while they sat in his car outside a supermarket one cold January evening:
“And then, without a word, he just turned the key in the ignition and drove off very fast. In silence. He brought me home, but I remember sitting in the car just totally numb and thinking: 'What just happened?'
“And it was immediately followed up with: ‘I am so sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I would never want to hurt you, but you drove me to this, you wound me up’ — as if it was my fault.”
She said she remembers waking the next morning and realising she had “handed over my power” and given him a message that it was OK to do what he had done.
In another incident, again after an argument in his car, he punched her in the forehead, pushed her out, and drove off, after dumping her handbag in a skip and forcing her to walk home for miles.
In other fits of rage, he snapped her flip-up mobile phone, tore some of her clothes, and broke the handles of her handbags.
On another occasion, he put a cushion over her face.
Another incident soon after that prompted a family intervention which helped her leave him for good.
“Some people have said to me: ‘Why didn’t you just leave? Why did you stay in that for so long?'," she said. "And I hate that question. The question is ‘how did you leave?'"
While some friends had glimpses of what was going on, she said she felt increasingly isolated and tried to "maintain a front" that everything was fine, and had a sense of shame at how chaotic her life was. But she said she now wants the issue discussed more.
“I’ve also made a decision to have a bit of forgiveness around it," she said. "I just believe in forgiveness. I don’t want to be carrying that burden, that load.
She urged people not to ignore “red flags” that may appear early in a relationship.
“Do not ignore them — because I ignored them, and it only ever got worse," she said.
• If you are affected by any of the issues raised in this article, please click here for a list of support services.
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