Eating disorders: 'The longer you leave it, the worst it gets'

Fri, 04 Mar, 2022 - 03:00

Ann Murphy

A 23-year-old eating disorder survivor says entering recovery was the best decision she ever made and urges anyone with concerns around eating behaviours to seek help.

Aoife McGee, from Donegal, is now four years into her recovery, after having a difficult relationship with food since her early teens.

"I would say to someone to not wait. I always thought I was not sick enough. If you have any concerns at all and you feel a bit unnatural, get help. The longer you leave it, the worse it gets and the harder it gets to get out of the spiral," she said.

She admitted that recovery was very difficult but said it was the best decision she ever made, adding: “It was the first time in my life that I felt extremely proud of myself.”

She recalls the day she knew that she was on the road to recovery, in autumn 2018.

“I went out (for a walk) and I have never experienced anything like it – it was like complete euphoria. I was just so happy that I was back, that I had a life again.

I never saw myself getting better. I thought that was my life. I just knew in that moment that I was back to my old self. It was a really really positive day.

It took a number of years for Aoife to recognise she had an eating disorder but she says that when she started college, her situation became very difficult.

She recalled: “When I went to college, I felt very lost. I did have friends but I felt out of depth when I went to college and I had imposter syndrome, thinking I shouldn’t be there. Ironically, I did human nutrition in college.”

Her family managed to persuade her to seek help when she collapsed one night when she was due to go out with a friend and she started outpatient public treatment in 2018.

She said: “I had a referral to an eating disorder specialist within 10 days and I was so lucky. As I entered into recovery, my life went back into colour again.”

She recalls a moment when her father told her that her family had got the old Aoife back.

She says: “That was when I knew that there had been a shift in me.

I had completely lost my personality, I was just a shell of a person. I genuinely did not smile, did not laugh. I am quite a chatty outgoing person and am very sociable. But I became very insular. I stopped going out for dinner or for lunch. I came up with an excuse.

"I couldn’t bear it because I just couldn’t control how I would feel in that situation and I just completely lost myself.”

She is realistic and believes she will always have to manage her eating disorder. But she believes that she would be dead now if she had not gone for treatment when she did.