Diplomats had 'black humour' handbook for public queries on loved ones

Irish diplomats had a handbook of terms to handle sensitive family situations at the time of the Kuwait invasion by Iraq in 1990. Picture: PA

Unknown officials in the Department of Foreign Affairs resorted to black humour to create a list of interpretations of common responses to queries from members of the public about family members trapped in Kuwait and Iraq in late 1990, according to files released by the National Archives.

The list was created around the time that Iraq had invaded neighbouring Kuwait which led to increased tension in the Middle East in anticipation of an invasion of Iraq by US-led military forces.

The musings of diplomatic staff are contained in a document labelled Middle East Information Centre – Telephone Handbook which carried the subtitle: 'Or How to Lie Convincingly'.

According to the document common replies could be interpreted in the following way:

Statement: That is an unconfirmed report.  Meaning: We know that but we don’t want you to know that yet.

Statement: That is media hype.  Meaning: We know that but we didn’t know that they knew that.     
Statement: Everyone is safe and well. Meaning: If you ask me about your son/ daughter one more time I’m going to have a nervous breakdown.   
Statement: We are monitoring the situation. Meaning: We are watching the news.   
Statement: We are seeking clarification. Meaning: We have switched over to Sky News.   
Statement: The situation is tense but normal. Meaning: We haven’t got a clue what’s going on.   
Statement: The situation is unchanged. Meaning: We still don’t know what is going on.   
Statement: We are aware of that situation and are taking steps. Meaning: We had no idea. Thanks for telling us. We’ll look into it straight away.    

Statement: We will inform the minister of your opinions and concern. Meaning: Another page for the shredder!!!

Statement: This department is happy to answer your queries. Meaning: We are enjoying the overtime.