Referrals to Limerick grief centre for children double this year

The Children's Grief Centre in Limerick has received drawings and a model for its new building and centre. Pictured from left: Theresa Kavanagh, senior support worker; Phil Mortell, board chairman; Sr Helen Culhane, director; Ailish Drake, architect; Jonathan Harper, project manager; and Conor Hourigan, Drake Hourigan Architects. Picture: Liam Burke/Press 22

The number of children being referred to the grief centre in Limerick has doubled this year, with Covid-19 having an impact on how children are coping with bereavement or the separation of their parents.

Director of the only children’s grief centre in the country, Sister Helen Culhane said the pandemic was taking its toll on children and families impacted by bereavement and loss or separation and divorce.

The centre, which was set up by Sr Culhane in 2009, has helped 1,400 children to date by offering a listening service and providing a safe space for children to open up about their feelings and process traumatic events, such as the loss of a loved one or the separation of their parents.

Initially set up to serve the Limerick, Clare and Tipperary region, the service now takes referrals from Cork, Galway, Kildare and beyond.

Despite Covid-19 public health restrictions, the centre has managed to continue seeing children face-to-face and sees about 25 children a week.

The pandemic has also led to a rise in referrals, which have doubled on last year.

“We now have 300 children on a waiting list. It has doubled; this time last year we had 149 children waiting,” Sr Culhane said.

Before Covid, we were getting around 10 maybe 12 phone calls a day. We’re now getting between 25 to 30 phone calls a day.” 

Covid-19 had made the situation more difficult, Sr Culhane said, explaining that the absence of a traditional wake and the support that this provides meant that many children didn’t get to say goodbye to loved ones who had passed away.

“In a lot of cases children have not been able to say goodbye to grandparents. In the whole grieving process if you don’t get to say goodbye, especially for children, you’re thinking that they are still alive,” Sr Culhane said.

The pandemic also impacted on children living with parents who may have separated but continued to live together and came under greater pressure this year, she said.

Sr Culhane became interested in the issue after working at Milford Hospice in Limerick for many years and noticing a gap in services for children.

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“If you have money, you can pay to go to see a psychologist or play therapist but most people don’t have that kind of money especially separated or bereaved families,” she explained.

Parents can directly refer children, aged four to 18 years, to the centre. The listening service is free of charge but parents can make donations to support the centre’s work.

Sr Culhane, a former social worker, experienced bereavement as a child when at the age of five she lost her brother and two years later her mother lost twins at birth.

“I know the needs of grieving children. Children grieve when their parents separate or divorce or if there is a bereavement but they may not know how to verbalise it,” 

she said.

In Sr Culhane’s experience, not dealing with bereavement or loss can have life-long consequences, while separation and divorce presented other challenges for children, who were often caught in the middle between parents.

“Most children don’t need counselling or therapy but where there is a bereavement or separation they need someone outside of the family that will listen,” Sr Culhane said, stressing that the service was confidential and child-centred.

One parent who used the service, said it not only benefited one of her children but the entire family

Mary, who preferred not to use her real name, explained that one of her children was five years old when he witnessed the death of his younger brother following a tragic accident at the home.

To process what had happened and deal with the loss of his brother, the family availed of the listening service at the children’s grief centre over a number of years.

“It was quite a traumatic experience for all of us but especially for a five-year-old,” Mary said, adding that the waiting list for child psychology services was two years at the time.

Mary said her son experienced a range of emotions, from being ‘hyper’ initially, to anger and disappointment to blame, as he picked up on adult conversations around him.

“He was mirroring us and how we were feeling and he obviously heard a lot of adult conversations at the time because of the amount of people who were around,” she explained.

Sr Helen was able to peel back the layers to get to the issues he was facing. She was able to talk to him like she was his peer instead of an adult. 

"It really helped him to express himself and talk about how he was feeling,” she added.

The service not only benefited her son but also had a wider impact on the family, Mary said, highly recommending the centre: “We really learnt a lot about our son and what makes him tick. We learned to get our son’s moods and understand when he needed his own space or when he was having a bad day.” 

While Covid-19 has led to an increase in referrals, it also impacted on the centre’s ability to fundraise this year.

Sr Culhane, however, said the pandemic would not hamper the centre’s ambitions to move to new premises.

Theresa Kavanagh, senior support worker and Sr Helen Culhane, director of the Children's Grief Centre in Limerick. Picture: Liam Burke/Press 22

The centre, which has won numerous awards for its work, is hoping to begin work next year on refurbishing a new premises that was gifted by the Sisters of Mercy this year and renovation work is at an advanced stage of planning.

The listed stone building on O’Connell Avenue in Limerick city requires significant refurbishment work that is estimated to cost €3.5m. To date, just one tenth of that, about €350,000, has been raised through fundraising activities.

Sr Culhane said it would be a “massive challenge” to reach the funding target but that the people of the midwest region had been very supportive to date and the centre would be redoubling its fundraising efforts in the year ahead.

More information about the Children’s Grief Centre here