Cods-wallop too fishy for voters’ taste

Crash. Bang. Wallop.

Enda Kenny lost control of the question being asked and ended up looking as shocked as the senators now reprieved to carry on doing what they have always done — pretty much nothing.

A crude, cynical Fine Gael campaign tried to tap into the electorate’s deep mistrust of politicians, but after framing the argument in those bleak, bitter terms, the move backfired in spectacular fashion as voters decided the politician they trusted least was Mr Kenny.

Campaign director Richard Bruton looked as startled as a little squirrel caught in the headlights as the juggernaut of voter rejection rolled towards him. The Taoiseach also appeared shocked by the result as he fumbled around for reasons, eventually coming up with the claim that sometimes people just want to give you a “wallop”.

Fish was not prominent on the menu at the Fine Gael dinner four years ago when Mr Kenny, panicking at the sudden surge in popularity of then fellow opposition leader Eamon Gilmore, blurted out his Big Idea to abolish the Seanad, but it certainly now looks like he served up cods-wallop that night.

As a burst of unseasonably bright weather dappled the lawns at the Dublin Castle count centre in brilliant light, Independent senator Feargal Quinn said: “the sun is shining on democracy.”

Well, up to a point. As in a reversal of the Occupy Wall Street movement, where the people demanded the overthrow of the 1% who run society, the 1% who actually vote on who Occupies The Seanad got a day in the sun, while the other 99% were left out in the cold again.

David Norris, just about the only senator most people can name, even banged the drum for elitism as the knife-edge results flowed in and he delivered his usual volley of flamboyant outbursts, at one point declaring the Oireachtas “politically constipated” and in need of unblocking, before putting the no vote down to the fact that voters can “smell a coup when they see it”.

As politicians gathered for the result, Fianna Fáil leader Micheál Martin was beaming as the heady feeling of what it was like to actually win something flooded back to him, while Labour campaign director Alex White looked glum and Sinn Féin’s Mary Lou McDonald stood slightly back from the group — though her ears did seem to prick up when the returning officer declared she was about to announce a “provisional” result.

The result leaves Mr Kenny humiliated, as the one policy directly associated with him personally was thrown out by voters.

And so democracy is safe once more as our superhero senators return to the Earl of Kildare’s old ballroom after escaping Enda’s clutches in the tango of death after an embarrassing misstep saw the Taoiseach crash down on the dance floor with quite a wallop.