‘You don’t need to end your life to ease your pain'

Irish psychologists have issued advice to people who fear somebody they know may be at risk of suicide.

With World Suicide Prevention Day taking place next week, it has been revealed that half of suicides in Cork City and county between Sept 2008 and Jun 2012 were by people who had worked in construction.

Every year in this country at least 500 people die by suicide. The suicide rate among young people aged 15-24 is the fourth highest in the EU.

Clinical psychologist Dr Maeve Kenny has warned that suicide very often comes at the end of a long period of distress involving possible anxiety, unemployment, financial worries, gambling, and/or drink problems.

“Most people who consider suicide don’t necessarily want to die; rather, they want their emotional pain to end,” she said.

Family and friends can reach out to them by looking out for warning signs, Dr Kenny advised.

Such signs aren’t always exhibited but pay attention if people are becoming more withdrawn, anxious, and acting erratically. Loss of a job, the ending of a relationship, or a bereavement can also put people at greater risk of taking their own lives.

“You sometimes see people acting more impulsively or taking more risks like giving up a job; driving recklessly; talking about suicide or death; showing unusual rage or anger; giving away possessions or saying goodbye to people; or deteriorating at school, college, or work; or displaying a general lack of interest in things,” she said.

If you see some of these symptoms in somebody close to you, psychologists recommend that you sit them down and listen with sympathy to them. It is also recommended that you ask them directly if they are having suicidal thoughts.

Meanwhile, for people who are feeling suicidal and that their life is “out of control”, the advice from psychologists is “you do not need to end your life to ease your pain or get your life back on track”.

“Learn ways of easing your emotional pain — often people who are suicidal feel overwhelmed by emotions such as distress, anger, loneliness, guilt, or numbness,” Dr Kenny said.

“Yoga, exercise, relaxation, art, music, counselling — there are many ways to address emotional pain or distress. Learn ways of dealing with the problems causing your distress.”

Another step on the road to recovery is to seek help from experts in mental illness, financial problems, and addiction. Suicidal people are also advised to avoid people who “are not good for you”.

Dr Kenny said: “Take control of your relationships and be around people who are good for you. If you have people in your life who are not good for you, move away from these relationships.

“Try to be yourself with trusted friends and family by not pretending all the time that everything is OK. Let them know that things are a bit tough for you right now — and remember you don’t have to tell them everything. Giving them an indication that you are struggling will aid them to respond to you helpfully.!

“Also, avoid using alcohol or drugs as these are likely to make you feel worse in the long run,” she added.

“They can affect both how you think about things and how you behave. Alcohol and drugs are also likely to make you act on impulse and to make you think your situation is worse than it is.”

SUICIDE AWARENESS

If you are concerned that somebody is at risk of suicide, what can you do?:

Listen with sympathy.

Don’t judge them. One of the greatest fears people who are suicidal have is that others will judge them as stupid or irrational and this can prevent them getting help. It is vital you understand that they are in pain and are desperate, and that you convey this to them.

Do not try to convince them it’s not that bad. This typically makes people feel worse and makes them feel you don’t understand their viewpoint.

Support and encourage them. This will help them feel less on their own and that they are important to others.

Do ask them ‘Are you thinking about ending your life?’ and ‘Do you have a plan for doing this?’. Do not be afraid to ask this question. It will not make the situation worse and it will not plant the idea in the person’s head. Often when someone else puts it into words the person feels relieved.

If the person admits to thinking of suicide, this is serious and the most important thing is to keep them safe. Try to encourage the person to accept more help from trusted family, friends and professionals.