‘Mom pulled me from the gutter and made me shine’

A woman who never gave up on her once wayward daughter has been named Mum of the Year.

Joan Egan, 46, from Blackwater, Co Kerry, was nominated by her daughter, Avril, 23, for helping her through a really dark time.

“My mom saved me. She pulled me from the gutter and made me shine again,” said Avril.

Joan, a mother of four, who was also the Munster winner, was chosen from more than 1,000 nominations from all over Ireland for the 2013 Woman’s Way and Lidl Mum of the Year.

Avril, the second eldest in the family, was just 17 in 2006 when she got involved with a group of new friends. It was through the friends that Avril became involved with a man 20 years her senior. He turned out to be a drug dealer living under a false name.

“Avril was a quite strong, confident young girl and I thought I would never have worries with her until she met this man who groomed and brainwashed her. He was the first boyfriend; she thought it was love.

“It was going on for a while and we did not know about it because Avril was going to school in her spick and span school uniform. She would visit the house during her lunch break and come home happy out and still in her spick and span uniform.”

After investigations by gardaí, the man was sent to prison and Avril moved to Cork to be closer to him.

“While she was there she was homeless and living in a hostel. I would go to Cork and I’d beg and plead with her to come home,” Joan recalled.

After his release, the couple moved around living in Clare and Kerry. It was during this time that Avril was beaten up and started drinking and taking drugs.

“I would beg her to come home. She rang me wanting to come for her and she came home and said it was over.

“After five months he got back in touch saying he was sorry and it would never happen again, so she went back to him.”

Joan was ever fearful that her daughter would be killed but never gave up on her. “When she was away from home, I would turn the key in the door and wonder ‘where is she?’.

“We couldn’t contact her. It was very hard. My children stopped talking to her; they could see she was using me, but I knew it was the drugs.”

Despite being encouraged by family members to show her daughter some tough love, Joan never lost hope.

“I felt if I didn’t stay in contact with her, who was going to look after her or know she was dead or alive?

“You can call it maternal instinct but I knew there was goodness in Avril. I would text her about anything that was happening at home so she would never lose contact.

“My late mother-in-law, Genevieve Egan, always said: ‘Don’t ever close the door on Avril, no matter what. She’s a good kid. She’ll turn around yet. She was a fantastic support.”

Following a court appearance at the end of 2012, Avril was given the chance to turn her life around. “I explained that Avril had been influenced by the man. Avril was told to cut her ties with him, which she did, thank God.”

With the help of her parents and psychologists, Avril was able to get her act together and is currently completing a computer course.

“I would like to thank anyone who helped us along the way and Avril would like to apologise to anyone she hurt when she was on the wrong path. She regrets it all and wishes she could turn back the clock.”

Editor of Women’s Way, Áine Toner, said Joan and Avril’s story reflected modern Ireland and would give hope to a lot of families in similar situations.

“Joan showed unstinting maternal love for her daughter. She also relied on her instincts and persevered.

“She did what she thought was best. She is an inspiration to other mothers who may be in a similar situation,” she said.

Nominees

*Connacht: Esther McWeeney, a mum of four from Ardrahan, Co Galway, who was nominated by her daughter Aisling, for conquering adversity on every possible level.

Esther’s marriage broke down when she was helping her youngest son recover from eye cancer. As well as raising her family, she managed to buy a site and build the family home by herself.

*Ulster: Ciara McMenamin, a mum of two from Letterkenny, Co Donegal, who was nominated by her proud father, Patrick, for working so hard to realise her dream of becoming a nurse as well as raising her family.

“It was a real struggle when I was at university. I had no grants but we kept going,” said Ciara, who graduated in 2010 and now works in a private care home in Letterkenny.

*Dublin: Kathleen O’Farrell, a mum of six from Baldoyle who was nominated by her daughter, also called Kathleen, for her “amazing qualities”.

Kathleen, who recently recovered from surgery for a brain tumour, has fostered more than 60 children as well as raising her own over the last 25 years.

*Leinster: Betty Dowling from Co Kilkenny, nominated by her daughter, Eilish, has run 10 Dublin City Marathons and 28 mini marathons, raising more than €50,000 for Crumlin Children’s Hospital, as her way of saying thanks for treating three of her children.

Betty also found the strength to speak about the death by suicide in 2006 of her youngest son, Ronan, in the hope of helping other people similarly bereaved.

TV presenter tops poll

Celeb Mum of the Year is television presenter and mum of two, Anna Daly.

Anna, who has done modelling in the past, is a full-time presenter on the TV3 breakfast show, Ireland AM.

Already a mum to 22- month-old James, Anna gave birth to a second son, Euan, just eight weeks ago.

Anna admits that motherhood has made her more of worrier. “I worry an awful lot more, not about myself — about the children.

“It could be the most minor thing in the world and it’s gone the next day and it’s replaced by some other silly worry.”

Anna, who was voted Celebrity Mum by Women’s Way readers, is currently on maternity leave.

While she is happy being at home looking after her two sons, she has no plans to become a stay-at-home mum — just yet.

“The first six months of a child’s life are the formative months; you absolutely need to be there for them,” said Anna, who recalled that she felt ready to go back to work after spending five months at home with her older son.