Tubridy: Silence around domestic abuse has to stop
“I am just sick of it frankly as a man, as an Irishman and as a citizen of this country that I love. It has to stop,” the Late Late Show host said yesterday.
Mr Tubridy was speaking at the launch of a new campaign — It’s Time to MAN UP about Domestic Violence by charity Safe Ireland.
At the launch, Safe Ireland revealed that more than 11,000 women and children looked for safety from violence in the home last year. On 2,500 occasions, however, women, many with children, were turned away because emergency accommodation was full.
Safe Ireland director Sharon O’Halloran said the figures were horrific and a sad indictment of Irish society.
“We are dealing with a crime that is committed nearly every hour and certainly every day of the year.
“Domestic abuse is heart- breaking and it is definitely the most under-reported, largely undocumented and certainly unprosecuted crime in the country,” she said.
Mr Tubridy said people like him could not just go around presenting shows and saying that was all they could do about raising the issue of domestic violence.
“I am not a natural-born advocate but I give a damn and I hear the stories and they upset me,” he said.
Every time a woman talked on his radio show about domestic abuse he thought about the “type of bastard” who would do something like that.
He welcomed Safe Ireland’s new campaign because it showed that the perpetrators were not ignorant fools.
“They collect the kids from school and probably worked two desks up from you. They are everywhere. This is a leveller. Bullying or abuse is not about class or wealth, it’s about the mind.
“And what upsets me about the women I speak to on the radio is that they don’t live in homes anymore — they live in tyrannies.
“If a man hits a woman it has gone beyond a domestic situation — it is everyone’s business and it is time for intervention. The silence has to stop,” he said.
The disturbing messages that headline the MAN UP campaign — stories of control, violence and sexual abuse — are stories that women have told Safe Ireland members many times over.
With the campaign, MAN UP is also putting the warped rationale of men who abuse out in the open.
Safe Ireland believes the more the perverse message of abuses is shared beyond the privacy of closed doors, the more it will be exposed, challenged and changed.
* safeireland.ie
* 7,797 women received support from services, up 56.6% since 2007 and 14.5% since 2010.
* 3,066 children received support — up 5.3% since 2007 and 3.5% since 2010.
* 5,959 women received wide range of face-to-face supports — up 67.8% since 2007 and 17.5% since 2010.
* 1,686 individual women admitted to refuge — up 24.9% since 2007.
* 2,142 individual children admitted.
* 2,537 occasions services could not accommodate women in refuge.
* 2,302 occasionsservices could not accommodate children in refuge.
* 42,383 helpline phonecalls answered.
Maria believes she would have been “abused to death” if she had not left her violent partner when she did.
“I did fear for my life. It got to the stage where I thought that, if it did not come to an end, it was going to be the end of me.”
Maria said that at first the abuse was emotional and verbal but it did lead on to “physical stuff”.
She stayed in the relationship for a few years because she was not sure about what she should do or who she should talk to about it.
“I found out about Women’s Aid but I knew someone who worked there so I did not want to contact the centre in case she picked up the phone.”
Maria said the abuse almost became acceptable to her until she had a baby. A few months after her child was born she left the relationship and has not gone back. “It has been a few years now since we separated. By the time I had my little boy, people were more involved with me and knew about my situation. I also knew I had to go before I became headline news.
“It was only after I got out of the relationship that I realised there were a lot services that I could have availed of.”
Maria said there were a lot more women like her who did not know about the range of support services that existed.
“I know the services are listed in the telephone book but not everyone has one and not everyone has access to the internet. Another way, such as leaflet drops, has to be found to inform more women like me.”
Maria said she now has peace of mind and urged women in abusive relationship to get help before it was too late. “Do not sit at home and dwell on it by yourself. Call somebody and talk about it.”
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