Enda and Eamon say life on Planet Bankrupt going swimmingly

ENDA is from Mars, Eamon is from Venus and both have been running Planet Bankrupt for the past 100 days.

And it’s all been going swimmingly according to the two men who tipped up at the top of the stairs at Government Buildings to mark the occasion.

The chosen venue would more rightly be known as the Steps of Sorrow as it is from where unfolding national disasters are usually relayed to a weary country.

But the Taoiseach used the moment to assure us of a brighter tomorrow where he would find “the doors of opportunity” (just turn left at the Windmills of Your Mind, Enda).

After admitting the Coalition had not done everything it promised it would in the first 100 days, Mr Kenny then tried to regain the initiative by declaring: “Some of the things we have done have been quite different than we did say.”

So, that would mean the U-turns on burning the bondholders, not raising tuition fees and getting a comprehensive overhaul of the bailout then?

However, Enda announced there was now “nearly universal” support for a cut in our crippling EU/IMF interest rates — but considering the two countries holding out against such relief are France and Germany, the twin suns around which the eurozone revolves, that may not be quite as impressive as it sounds.

But Enda was also thinking big, or rather small, repeating his aim to make Ireland: “The best small country in which to do business by 2016.”

All he has to do first is escape the “economic straitjacket” Brian Cowen left for him in the wardrobe.

As well as running Planet Bankrupt, the Taoiseach and Tánaiste have also been running somewhat scared from scrutiny by the media, meaning Mr Kenny has given only one in-depth interview since taking power, which is at least one more than Mr Gilmore.

Such reticence to face sustained questioning led us to the rather thrown-together event at Government Buildings, which was long on the same old rhetoric — Gilmore reloaded the dud Cowen-era cliche about their being “no silver bullet” and fired it blankly — and rather short on any substance with the leaders taking just five queries each, and still side-stepping a number of them.

And after that they both toddled off back up the steps, the ghosts of Ireland’s disaster-laden recent political history following them from the spot where Bertie was finally turfed out of office under a cloud, and from where Biffo announced endless attempts to cling on despite events leaving him for dead.

Mr Kenny had quoted James Joyce in his 100 days statement as a nod to Bloomsday, but the most fitting remark form Ulysses for life on Planet Bankrupt would be: “History is a nightmare from which I am trying to awake.”