TOXIC DEPOSITS

“Ahhhh, sure the dogs on the street know that the fella who smelt it, dealt it.”

WASTE NOT

Cork South-West Independent Edmund Butler is a member of the Irish Coast Guard and if he makes it to the Dáil, expect him to take immediate charge of Leinster House stationery. Here he successfully completes the emergency rescue of a stray campaign leaflet.

BUM NOTES

Riot shields, voodoo economics,

it’s just business, cattle prods and the I.M.F.

I trust I can rely on your vote.

In some of our minds, Radiohead’s Electioneering — 14 years old, would you believe — remains the only plausible soundtrack to this campaign.

And that won’t change following the release of two more election songs, each providing very different but equally demanding challenges to the ears.

Liam Twomey — Fine Gael candidate in Wexford candidate — turns tentatively to rap for his endorsement, the creatively titled Vote Twomey No.1 — Election Rap (Listen here bit.ly/hKZ1FT). The standout element is undoubtedly the slightly sexually charged chorus “Yeah Twomey”.

Meanwhile, campaigners for Michael F Dolan — Fianna Fail candidate in Galway East — mine more traditional territory with “Dolan For The Dáil” (bit.ly/gZBR5c) in which Michael thanks his stars he didn’t stand last time out.

“Sinn Fein, Fine Gael and Labour, they all sat in the Dail.

Don’t go blaming Michael F, sure he wasn’t there at all.”

THE PEOPLE’S COURT

The listeners to Liveline are notoriously harsh but scrupulously fair. The latest verdict?

“Mary Harney should lick her own stamps.”

SAY WHAT

During the launch of the Fianna Fáil policy document on education, Mary Coughlan suggested new teachers didn’t have the “requisite skills” to boost literacy and numeracy standards.

Pretty damning words from the minister who attributed the theory of evolution to Einstein.

No need to be too sniffy however, when Ned O’Keeffe showed up on the Last Word yesterday to talk the Defences Forces out of a coup, he also laid down his theory on why the last government didn’t quite cut the mustard.

“We have too many intellectuals in Cabinet.”

Nor was Ned too convinced by what we took to be Messrs Cowen and Lenihan’s almost complete reliance on silage:

“None of them ever bought a bale of hay.”

JOBS FOR THE BOYS?

There is work to be done, Sinn Féin keep telling us, but it seems old habits die hard. When pressed on the poor state of the N4, Sligo/North Leitrim candidate Michael Colreavy knew exactly where to go to get a job done right.

“The IRA should fix it immediately.”

TWEET RELIEF

Who said RTÉ is keen to maintain the status quo? For a few anxious moments, the game was well and truly up for Labour.

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War of Independence Podcast

A special four-part series hosted by Mick Clifford

Available on
www.irishexaminer.com/podcasts

Commemorating 100 years since the War of Independence