‘I never felt like the boy I was supposed to be’
The second eldest of four boys, she started dressing in clothes belonging to another local girl from a very early age.
“As far back as I can remember, I never felt like the boy I was supposed to be,” said Vanessa, now aged 45 and preparing for a gender reassignment.
Her family caught her dressing in female clothes when she was a teenager at home but nothing was ever said about it again.
“The whole family walked in on me and I did not know what to say or do. I was petrified,” she recalled.
She confided in a girlfriend that she had gender issues after moving to London in the mid-1980s but a visit made together to a transgender support group proved unhelpful.
“I actually thought I was a transvestite and that all transvestites thought they were girls,” she said.
“While I had many friends, I did not tell them and put all my energy into playing sports. I lived for the weekend when I would be running or playing soccer and then I would go drinking and gambling.”
Vanessa returned to Waterford with her partner but the relationship soon broke up because of gender issues. She became involved in a second relationship with a woman and they had two sons together. The marriage ended after 14 years, again because she was a transgender.
“I told her (my wife) I was a transgender a few months after we met because I was petrified that I was falling for somebody else and the relationship was going to end because of gender issues. That was the whole way my life was going. I felt that as soon as I told the truth no one would want to be with me.”
About three and a half years ago Vanessa got in touch with a group called Irish Trannie through the internet. She started going with a group of transvestites, who told her she was a transsexual and urged her to get help.
Vanessa, a development officer with Transgender Equality Network (TENI) came ‘out’ about two and a half years ago. She is now is a third year psychology student at Waterford Institute of Technology.
While she has lost contact with her family, her two sons have been very supportive. “I have lost my marriage, my home, my business but I have found myself and I don’t need to pretend any more,” she said.
