Angry girl is ‘unrecognisable’ after help
She retreated into herself, became angry and withdrawn, her schoolwork suffered.
She blamed her mother, Mary, for the break-up and would not communicate with her, causing arguments and aggravation for the whole family.
Mary, struggling to cope with an acrimonious break-up, less money and the stress of looking after two children alone, simply did not know what to do.
“When I was called into the school and the principal asked if she could contact social workers I was very upset because I felt ashamed of the stigma. But now I know it was the best thing that ever happened.”
Paula was referred to the family resource centre of children’s charity Barnardos in March.
Now, just more than six months later, her mother says she is “unrecognisable”.
She dances in the door and is full of confidence.
Mary too is benefiting from the Cork city project where she has been attending parenting classes.
She cannot praise the staff enough for what they have done for her family.
But the staff here are fearful of what will happen to the 33 families and 77 children they assist if worst comes to worst.
Barnardos is facing a 20% shortfall in funding and is warning services will have to be cut – and that some may even end.
Project leader at the Mahon-based centre Carmel O’Donovan says the six-strong social work team are dealing with a huge increase in self-referrals.
A one-month, snapshot comparison has revealed a six-fold increase in voluntary walk-ups to the centre from the same time last year.
Indeed, the charity’s national office maintains that all over the country its 42 projects are experiencing the same thing.
Never before has Barnardos had people knocking on the door looking for basics such as food or financial assistance, and this at a time when it too is struggling.
It has already seen a 3% cut in government funding, and has a funding shortfall of €1,180,000 for this year – well short of the €5.9 million it needs to keep services going.
Ms O’Donovan says does not understand how funding to services like this can be cut.
“Children only have one chance to develop the skills they need for the rest of their lives,” she says.
“If we make cuts to children’s services the consequences will be reaped further down the line.
“If a young child in need does not get the right help it can affect them for the rest of their lives, and result in dropping out of school and problems later on. It is detrimental to society.”
On a more local level, Ms O’Donovan says this centre is the only family support project in the south Cork area that works with the family as a whole, they have nowhere else to go in a crisis – and all of its services are entirely free of charge.
“We are a family support service in a designated disadvantaged area and are open to all families in the area. We provide emotional support for children and parents.
“We help with literacy skills, mental health, practical parenting groups, support groups for young mothers on health and nutrition.”
According to Ms O’Donovan, for some, the group sessions are almost therapeutic – sometimes they do not have anyone else to talk to, share a problem – or even a joke with.
Poverty is a big factor for these families.
Indeed, the location of the centre, in an almost barren, forgotten urban landscape with a boarded-up pub, dilapidated estates and little to do for children but roam the streets, it is clear that while money is a big concern for the people here, it is not because of the recession.
These families always had concerns around budgeting, only now there is the added worry of cuts to social welfare, job loss, the rising cost of schooling.
“People just don’t realise what families like this are trying to balance,” says Ms O’Donovan.
“These parents have the same hopes and dreams for their children that any parent does but the situation in which they live means often this gets lost.”
Everyday reality gets in the way for these families and other things take priority, she says.
“Everyone is trying to do their best but some can’t manage. Our job is to get in as soon as possible and give them the skills they needs to nurture their children.”
Indeed, the beauty of this project is that it is independent, child-centred and community-based.
There are no hard and fast rules. Each case is dealt with differently and according to the needs of the family.
But although it can and does end up assisting entire families, Barnardos is at the end of the day a children’s charity.
The child is at the centre of everything, they are listened to and their opinion taken into account. Every child is different, and a plan is devised to come up with something that suits them.
Located in a home-like setting, the idea is that it is informal and homely.
There is a kitchen garden and playroom where staff work with children.
Whether it is through art, books or two special puppets through which the children often voice their feelings, the project workers gradually, delicately, step-by-step, day-by-day win the trust of the children and get them to open up about the trauma in their lives.
Often, it can be a parents problem that is causing the child’s upset.
“Parents are often at the end of their tether and just don’t know what else to do,” maintains Ms O’Donovan.
“Parenting is such a difficult thing – it is 24/7 for 18 years and people are expected to just know how to manage it, and if parents are trying to cope alone so much more difficult.”
Addiction is often an issue too.
“If we come across it we would work with the person to help them realise how it is affecting the family and children and try and get them the help they need. If we come across someone who has a problem we can’t deal with we do try and refer them on,” she says, while acknowledging that social services across the board are under serious pressure.
But while any family can experience crisis, Ms O’Donovan says, the key is to focus on the positives to be found in every family.
“We show families that even when things are really bad there is always something to salvage.
“People always have the potential to change.”
Indeed 10-year-old Paula is proof of this.
She comes singing into the centre now, her mother says, and is unrecognisable from the angry girl that six months ago was so hurt and sad.
“I could not get through to her, she blamed me for everything. She came home one day and said ‘Mammy I have to put all my problems into a stone’. She has her own file, and I can only look at it with her permission. Now she is so confident, there is an improvement in her every week. I really don’t know what I would do without this place.”
