Mother describes ‘pain and torture’ of losing sons

“THE happy, bubbly, person I was disappeared that day... As a mother you are not meant to pick out coffins for your children or the clothes they will wear when they are buried.”

Those were the words of Kathleen Kirby who described the nightmare of losing two sons in a car crash.

On April 20, 2005, her boys Paul, 20, and Dave, 18, were killed in an accident on the Midleton-Cloyne road, a little over a mile from their home.

Kathleen described how she was called out of a computer class that evening by her sister, who was accompanied by a garda who relayed the tragic news.

“Dave was found (in the car) with his head resting on his older brother’s shoulder. It must have been so scary for them,” she said.

Kathleen, who went to the mortuary to identify the boys said: “There wasn’t a mark on Dave. I was told he died from massive internal injuries. I kissed him and said goodbye. I also kissed Paul goodbye, again there wasn’t a mark on him.” “Then I looked at a picture of the Sacred Heart on the wall and asked why wasn’t I taken instead – I had lived a good time. A large part of me went with the lads.”

The effect on Kathleen, who has another son, was devastating. “I have to see young people heading out at the weekends, while my lads are buried in the graveyard. I haven’t cooked Christmas dinner since they died. Family gatherings are difficult,” she said. She told hundreds of teenagers in the audience she was sure her sons would want her to pass on to them a message not to let their families suffer the “pain, torture and living hell” which affects those left behind.

“Don’t show off with speed and if your friends want you to speed they aren’t friends. Always wear a seatbelt and never drink and drive,” Kathleen said.