Enda focuses on negatives as Richard targets heavy hitters

WITH America and France rejoicing in their rock star presidents, Enda Kenny made an unlikely pitch to be Ireland’s boyband blueshirt.

Even Simon Cowell would have had to admire the sheer pizzazz of the man as Enda taunted the Take That X-Factor special that was going head-to-head with him in the TV schedules by strolling on stage to the sound of the group’s cheese-fest anthem Shine.

Though always more Daniel O’Donnell than Kurt Cobain, Enda did try to “rock out” a bit at the end with Bruce Springsteen’s The Rising — a theme song borrowed from Barack Obama which proved a more successful steal from the US campaign than a bizarre attempt to repeat the president-elect’s call and response rhetorical elegance.

While Barack inspired a tired and fearful nation with the emphatic insistence “Yes we can!” Enda attempted to stir his audience with the rather less positive sounding “No it’s not!”

After asking if this, that or the other calamity presided over by Fianna Fáil was acceptable, the bemused blueshirts were meant to echo Enda’s cry: “No it’s not!”

Unfortunately, the punters were not really reading from the same script as their leader and the half-hearted response never really took off.

Shame really, as with it being nearly pantomime season, the crowd could really have got into the whole thing and started shouting: “He’s behind you!” — for, indeed behind Mr Kenny was none other than the ever-bouncy Richard Bruton who the polls show would be a much more popular leader than poor old Enda.

So keen was bubbly Bruton to show his loyalty to the leader that he had even copied Mr Kenny’s red and white stripy tie — though Enda may need to watch out for his deputy as the long standing Mr Nice Guy of Irish politics turned decidedly nasty in his warm-up, making fun of the Taoiseach and Brian Lenihan’s losing battles with their waste lines.

In one of the strangest versions of attack politics yet witnessed, Mr Bruton branded Brian Cowen and the Finance Minister chocoholics and junk food addicts who were too lazy to exercise — at one point even ridiculing how the two Brians might look ballet dancing in “ill fitting tutus”.

Steady on Richard!

Fine Gael were clearly in the mood for trying new things at this conference, and even offered the excitement of “breakfast with Enda” — a sumptuous mass meal for early rising delegates.

One wonders what new wheeze Fine Gael will try next year — finally winning an election perhaps?