‘It’s very difficult for any parent to bury a child’

“MY SON”, spelt out in blue and white flowers beside the coffin of 23-year-old John Grey, was the last message from his heartbroken parents before he was laid to rest yesterday in Waterford.

John was buried at Ballinaneashagh cemetery on the outskirts of the city, while his mother Betty and father Martin said their goodbyes 16 days after he fell into a coma at a party held to celebrate the 21st birthday of his brother Mark.

His girlfriend Fiona, sister Michelle and other brother Michael also choked with emotion as John made his last journey to the grave, remembered as a “popular young man” with a big heart.

John’s funeral Mass came five days after that of 21-year-old Kevin Doyle. Both are believed to have taken cocaine at the Greys’ house in Ballybeg Square early in the morning of November 25.

Acting parish priest of Ballybeg, Fr Martin Crowe,officiating at the funeral Mass in St Saviour’s Church, said recent high-profile deaths were a lesson to all, “not to touch drugs”.

In front of a packed church in the heart of the Ballybeg estate, Fr Crowe urged the congregation:

“Don’t misuse or abuse alcohol and don’t dabble in drugs. If you are involved in drugs, God help you. You may not be able to help yourself, but ask for God’s help.”

He also warned of the dangers of mixing alcohol and drugs: “You could die.”

Mourners also heard family friend Jane Kelly speak on behalf of John’s girlfriend, Fiona, and about Fiona’s “great love” for John, how well they got on and the years they hoped to spend together — now, unfortunately, not to be.

Offertory gifts included a horseshoe representing his love of horses, a dumb-bell representing his love of weight-lifting, a CD, and a picture he had taken with President Mary McAleese. A photograph of John stood on top of the coffin.

John’s funeral ceremony took place just yards away from St Saviour’s National School, which he attended as a young boy. While his family and friends wept inside the church in memory of the 23-year-old who died when his life support machine was switched off last Saturday at Waterford Regional Hospital, schoolchildren at St Saviour’s NS played outside during their break-time, oblivious to the pain and heartache nearby.

Among the celebrants were Bishop of Waterford and Lismore William Lee and Fr PJ Fagan, a friend of the Grey family. Mourners included mayor of Waterford Cllr Mary O’Halloran, and Fianna Fáil TD Brendan Kenneally.

Prayers of the faithful were offered by friends Jane Kelly, Kenneth Tobin, Paul Swift, Mary Ryan, and Sinead Purcell while John’s aunt Ann Martin and family friend Carmel Hayes performed the readings.

Hymns by soloist Donna Roche and organist May McGrath included Amazing Grace, Ave Maria, On Eagle’s Wings, and Nearer My God to Thee.

Afterwards, Mr Kenneally described the Greys as “a decent family”, whom he had known for many years.

“They’ve come to me in the past with one or two issues they wanted sorted out and I sorted them out as best I could.” He added they were always “very courteous” to him and he had never had any difficulties from them. “It’s only when they have their son buried and everyone has gone away that it’s going to hit home and hit them. It’s very, very difficult for any parent to bury their child and one has to feel for them.”

He said that the events that led to the deaths of Kevin Doyle and John Grey “could have happened absolutely anywhere in the country” and that Ballybeg tended to get a “bad press” from time to time. “The bad people are a very small minority, as they are in any place. Most people here are decent, hard-working, honest people. It annoys me the way Ballybeg is portrayed sometimes because it’s not fair.”

The TD noted the amount of young people, visibly upset, who were there to pay their respects.

“Let’s hope that those young people and their friends and acquaintances will learn from that and not go down the unfortunate road that John and Kevin took.”