Galactic duo ready to strike back at DarthBertie

“IF you can’t vote for us, then pray for us,” Enda Kenny told a bemused American couple as he strolled towards destiny or divorce with his own partner Pat Rabbitte.

The two seemed as relaxed as any married pair who have accepted their bond is based on mutual security, not love.

Sauntering along a Merrion Square dappled in brilliant May sunshine on their way to launch the rebel Alliance for Change, they looked like the centre-left equivalent of Luke Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi.

There was an Evil Empire to smite, but thankfully the Fianna Fáil Death Star had been caught in traffic on the Red Cow roundabout so the pair had a chance to catch up on each other’s intergalactic travels, conscious that any successful relationship needs its degree of exotica.

“I’ve done the two Meaths, Louth and Monaghan,” Young Enda Skywalker excitedly informed his wiser, older tutor.

Able to foretell the future with his spooky powers, Obe-Pat KaniBeTánaiste had some disturbing news for his eager blonde apprentice.

“You are in Ennis and Galway tomorrow and so is himself,” the mystic Rabbitte said referring to their nemesis — DarthBertie.

A strange look crossed Skywalker’s face as he envisaged his fabled encounter with DarthBertie: “Enda, I am the father of your election victory — and remember it was not my money, we were just looking after it for Mr Wall.”

In a galaxy far, far away, well just down the road in the chamber of commerce, princess Liz O’Donnell had been captured by snarling imperial general Michael McDowell, and taken to Planet PD and put on show for the media.

General McDowell had vaporised all the tricky questions about DarthBertie and the strange black holes that kept appearing in his finances when, giving what should have been the final response, Princess Liz decided to speak the truth and reveal deep unease over the phantom menace of the Mahon Tribunal.

A meteor shower of questions broke across General McDowell’s head as he was forced to make vague warnings that Planet PD may no longer orbit Fianna Fáil’s dark sun after the election.

Either the Empire was shrinking back, or the PDs suddenly remembered they had promised to be sleaze watchdogs on this Government and were now facing the voters’ wrath for failing to live up to that.

You decide.