Hot air and hysteria announce Bertie’s Great Leap Forward

THE future’s bright; the future’s Bertie.

At the unveiling of the €184 billion National Development Plan in the sumptuous surroundings of Dublin Castle’s St Patrick’s Hall, the Dear Leader’s brave new Ireland was lauded in a video which surreally mixed trip-hop music with a booming voiceover so dramatically upbeat it sounded like something out of a Soviet propaganda film aimed at boosting beetroot production.

“This is a country transformed! A country that has reversed its own history!” we were breathlessly told as fluffy dogs jumped into open topped cars, cows were milked by cheerful rustic types and the technological wonder that is the unconnected Luas system flashed before our eyes on the big screen. Indeed, the words “transform” and “renewal” were used so frequently you were left with the impression Bertie Ahern’s masterful stewardship had turned the Republic into a kind of economic version of Madonna, constantly re-inventing itself in a continuous great leap forward.