Gift of life pledges Paul’s soul to Red Devils

SOME would hail him as a modern-day Dr Faustus, the man who sold his soul to the Devil for 24 years of satanic indulgence.

Except Paul Warburton went one better - he sold his soul to 11 Red Devils to indulge his brother Martin.

Better red than dead, Paul thought, as he accepted Manchester United supporter Martin’s offer of a life-saving transplant on condition he renounce his lifelong allegiance to Manchester City and switch from blues to reds.

Paul, a 59-year-old retired company director, underwent the stem cell transplant at Belfast City Hospital on August 27 to combat chronic lymphatic leukaemia.

The transplant was made possible by Martin’s cell donations, but only after Paul signed a contract requiring him to join the Man U supporters club and to subscribe to the club’s TV channel, MUTV.

To add salt to the transplant wound, Paul must also ‘chortle at regular intervals’ when City are relegated, repaint his house in red hues and amend his wardrobe to include mostly red clothes.

Paying homage to the most expensive defender in history with the catchphrase ‘Hey ho Rio’ will become second nature to luckless Paul and hysterical laughter at the frustration of ‘Afro Kev’ is a prerequisite for every lost City match.

If he wants to buy football boots, Paul must log onto the internet and contact Roy: reason for sale - too big for his boots.

All blue materials in Paul’s home must be used as rags and cloths to clean up dirt; that is why Jiffy cloths are blue, says Martin.

The contract, signed under a red seal, also requires Paul to support the elevation of Sir Alex to royalty, replacing Prince Charles and to undertake to trip and fell Francis Lee ‘so that you can for the first time see him fall over fairly’.

So has all this left Paul, from Co Antrim, feeling blue?

“This is clearly torture and torture is banned under the Human Rights Act,” he said.