Bono sees mirth in ‘Elvis girth’ in courtroom showdown

BONO may have had a quarter of a million people eating out of his hand in Croker over the weekend but it was his own dietary habits that engrossed a courtroom yesterday.

At issue was the reason why the rock star had several pairs of the same black, high-waisted, three-quarter length trousers made up in different sizes.

“I don’t want to embarrass you,” began his inquisitor, barrister Hugh Hartnett, “but you put on a bit of weight.”

Bono wasn’t about to combust in red-faced shame.

He even saw a little mirth in his girth. “It happened to Elvis,” he said.

“So you put on weight,” Mr Hartnett repeated, not about to let Bono’s comedy act steal the show.

“Yessir,” he replied in the best southern drawl his Elvis impersonation skills could muster.

Mr Hartnett wasn’t amused. So, he continued, barely allowing time for the chuckling courtroom to regain composure, the singer wouldn’t need the smaller pairs anymore. “You would not want to be photographed bulging out of them.”

Bono disagreed. “I oscillate,” he said, instantly winning the hearts of every female in attendance.

Bono’s fluctuating waistline was about the only area of agreement in the legal battle which erupted over a former employee’s attempts to auction off pieces of band memorabilia, namely one pair of trousers, a stetson hat, a pair of $10 (€8.3) earrings and a Christmas decoration.

Their one-time stylist, Lola Cashman, who created their iconic look on their Joshua Tree tour in 1987, claimed the band gave her the items on the last night of the tour. Bono said they never gave away items from their working wardrobe as they were retained for future shows, photo shoots and films.

Bono rejected the idea of the aftermath of the final show as an orgy of celebration during which he might have given his hat away.

On the contrary, insisted Cashman: “He was running around in his underpants with his hat on.”

Hopefully it was during his small trouser phase.