Whiskey, monkfish and Joyceaid the Taoiseach’s constitution

BEWARE of Greeks bearing gifts, but not Bertie Ahern in generous mood.

In an effort to make negotiations run more smoothly, the Taoiseach lavished European leaders with some custom-made presents to get in them in benevolent form for the final negotiations on the Constitution for Europe.

Vitally, considering the drawn-out task ahead of them, presidents and prime ministers got a bottle of Locke's eight-year-old single malt whiskey, from Kilbeggan in Co Westmeath believed to be the oldest licensed pot still distillery in the world.

Also in the goodie bag for the heads of state and governments was a DVD of RTÉ's coverage of the May 1 enlargement, presumably minus the crusties being water-cannoned at the back gate of Farmleigh House, and a bound copy of James Joyce's Ulysses with greetings from the Taoiseach and the Irish Presidency inscribed on the spine.

Foreign ministers also got the bottle of gargle and an MP3 of the RTÉ players' version of Ulysses from 1982, while European Affairs ministers just got the whiskey to keep them warm on the way home.

Stunning the Taoiseach with their ingratitude, the usual suspects resorted to stereotype.

The latest clash between the Frogs and the Rosbifs went down to the wire alright, but the outcome was never truly in any doubt.

Unlike the fantastic last-minute turnaround of England in Euro 2004, clinically executed by Zinedine Zidane and his teammates at Euro 2004 in Portugal last week, renewed incivilities between the auld enemies at the EU summit didn't result in a shock.

After recently celebrating the 100th anniversary of the Entente Cordiale, the two countries displayed their "friendly understanding" in front of their EU counterparts by engaging in a day of political posturing.

Playing to their home crowds, Tony Blair and Jacques Chirac cranked up the time-honoured hostilities to let on that deal making was a real bloodbath.

Engaging in public criticisms of each other over the slow progress at the summit, France said the British were making too many demands for special treatment and Britain opposed the French choice for a new European Commission President.

Acting as referee, the Taoiseach brokered a truce in the phony war as all sides ultimately backed a compromise constitutional draft put forward by the Irish Presidency.

At lunchtime, the situation looked a bit dodgy as the sides dug in their heels in front of their national TV cameras.

But after devouring a healthy serving of Irish monkfish the necessary agreement became a greater possibility.

Without an agreement last night, commentators suggested the Irish delegation would be eating humble pie today, but throughout the negotiations the Taoiseach kept the goal in sight.

By teatime, the Minister for European Affairs, Dick Roche, said a deal was "tantalisingly close".

Agreement was reached on the problematic area of European Commission powers, voting strengths among member states at European Council level and the number of seats in the European Parliament.

While God was left out of the constitution, it wasn't a contentious enough issue to hold up the entire show.

Nonetheless, the objective of also finding a new President of the European Commission remained out of touch and a handful of names still remain on the table.

All told a good job done by the Irish Presidency and a remarkable achievement considering they said it couldn't be done.

Mission Impossible: Completed.