I, Keano: Republic leader who marched on home

HE came, he saw and he went home in a tiff.

The story of Roy Keane’s departure from the Irish soccer camp on the eve of the 2002 World Cup finals in Japan is to be told again - in a musical.

“I, Keano” will tell the tale of “an ancient federation (sending) a legion to an island to prepare for a momentous war”, according to its promoters.

The federation’s greatest warrior is a man named Keano, who “has a passion for perfection exceeded only by his fierce and unpredictable temper”.

Leading the legion is the “earnest but stubborn general” Macartacus, assisted by the “enthusiastic Quinnus, who builds children’s hospitals and gets PR advice from his wife, Surfia”. There’s also Packie Bonnerus, “an expert in using the net things that gladiators fight with”.

The problems begin when the legion arrives on the island and Keano finds “the ground is too hard, the troops are partying, and the federation, led by the inebriated junketeer Ridiculus, has forgotten to bring daggers and tunics”.

The warrior is faced with a dilemma: what to do? “He is torn between the conflicting advice of the Scottish dolphin god Fergie and the tap-dancing wood nymph Dunphia.”

It wouldn’t take a soccer fan to spot the parallels between the story and the saga that unfolded in Saipan, where the Irish team prepared for the World Cup three years ago.

A blazing row between Keane and then manager Mick McCarthy, which saw the former fly home before the tournament began, sparked a national debate.

Among those playing roles in the saga were Keane’s fellow international Niall Quinn, Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson and Keane biographer Eamon Dunphy.

The musical is scripted by Arthur Mathews, best known for co-writing Father Ted, and Michael Nugent, author of Absurdly Yours, a collection of prank letters to famous people.

The score has been written by Paul Woodfull, known to music fans for his role as Bono impersonator in U2 cover band, The Joshua Trio.

I, Keano will feature Risteard Cooper and Gary Cooke, of RTÉ’s Aprés Match comedy slots, and Mario Rosenstock, the writer and actor behind the Gift Grub sketches on Today FM.

It opens in Dublin’s Olympia Theatre on Tuesday, February 8.