If you looked out your window early enough this morning, you may have seen a huge red moon rising. Apparently the celestial heavens must be the latest universal merchandising partners of Manchester United, for what better way to herald the long-awaited return of the team to the top of the Premier League?

Every few weeks, I check back on my previous columns to see if I’ve made any howlers I’ll need to wheedle out of — such as calling Blind ‘Danny’ last week, for example. (Thank you, Word AutoCorrect).

Compared to Louis van Gaal’s honeymoon, Kimye’s went unheralded.