Gen Z Diary: We were taught the Leaving Cert was the single most significant thing — it's not

Jane Cowan: "The reality is that school is just one part of anyone’s life. In sixth year, I also played the piano, enjoyed baking, read widely, and liked going to the beach with my friends. The Leaving Cert doesn’t mark you on those things."

Every couple of months, I wake up in the middle of the night in a fit of panic, thinking I have shown up to my Leaving Cert maths exam without a calculator. Then I remember that I’m 22 and I have already served my country as a burnt out student, and I don’t have to do that ever again.

It’s a national trauma we have bestowed upon us at 18 years old: The Leaving Cert. We were brainwashed into thinking the single most significant thing we could do in our lives was sit the Leaving Cert.

I can still remember rationing my water intake before exams to avoid wasting three minutes of exam time on a toilet break. And even though secondary school has long since disappeared into my rear-view mirror, I am yet to forget the torture that was Leaving Cert results day.

I really sympathise with anyone receiving their results today. It’s not exactly what it’s made out to be.

I remember my own results day clearly. It was 2022. As It Was by Harry Styles was being played ad nauseum. I woke up feeling sick with anxiety. It was one of those days where I was just waiting for it to be over.

I avoided my phone and turned off the radio when things like the rate of H1s in particular subjects were being discussed. I was halfway through ironing a shirt in my living room when I opened my results.

I ran upstairs to tell my mother and sister — the only ones in the house at the time — what I had gotten. My sister was in the middle of washing her hair at the time, but came out with a head full of shampoo to hug me. We all celebrated. And then I went back downstairs and continued my ironing.

It was a good day in plenty of ways. I had achieved the points for the college course I wanted, English Studies. My family was happy for me. I went into school later that day to see some of my friends and teachers.

In reality, though, I was mainly relieved. For me, the most difficult aspect of secondary school had been the sheer weight of academic expectation. I had always worked hard and performed well in school. Teachers, of course, noticed that.

Jane Cowan: 'I no longer think of grades as proof of my abilities or intelligence. Sure, it’s nice to get a grade you’re proud of. But now I can look at grades with more perspective.'

And my greatest fear was not living up to the expectations that had been set.

I remember receiving an academic award during sixth year and actually wishing I hadn’t gotten it. It just felt like added pressure to do well. I feared that, if I didn’t get the grades people expected, I probably wasn’t as capable as they had been led to believe.

The fear that my grades may not align with the image that teachers had of me was difficult to reconcile. It felt like cause for an identity crisis. 

It seems silly to me now, but at the time, the pressure was almost crippling.

Since then, my understanding of grades has shifted significantly. I no longer think of them as proof of my abilities or intelligence. Sure, it’s nice to get a grade you’re proud of. But now I can look at grades with more perspective.

Because a percentage is not a defining feature of anyone’s character. If you’ve received a Leaving Cert grade today, you’ve gotten a snapshot into one particular day in June, not the past 18 years of your life.

The corrector isn’t factoring in things like how much support you got at home, or how well you were taught the curriculum in your school. You’ve not been graded on anything more than the few hours where you sat, probably exhausted, in a stuffy room back in June.

Taking grades off the pedestal that we’re taught to put them on is one of the most valuable things I learned in college. It took me until probably my third year of college to really do that. And it was honestly freeing. Because the reality is that school is just one part of anyone’s life. In sixth year, I also played the piano, enjoyed baking, read widely, and liked going to the beach with my friends. The Leaving Cert doesn’t mark you on those things.

Looking back, I can see that my fears around achievement made it very difficult to enjoy the day at all. Now, I wish I had been able to hold it all more lightly. 

Because there are plenty of ways to get to where you want. And you’ve probably not even thought about half of the jobs you might enjoy yet. I certainly didn’t think I would be leaving college with a passion for journalism.