Dear Dáithí: How can I fix my niece’s communion dress drama?

My sister was taken aback to get a call from the shop where she had purchased the dress to say when they checked their files, another pupil at the school had already bought the same one...and she needed to return the dress she bought

My sister made a real fuss of her when it came to picking her dress, and after trying on a few dresses, my niece was thrilled when she found ‘the one’.

Dear Dáithí,

My niece is making her First Holy Communion this May. There’s been lots of excitement ahead of the day — after the main event in the church, there are plans for a big family get-together. My sister made a real fuss of her when it came to picking her dress, and after trying on a few dresses, my niece was thrilled when she found ‘the one’.

My sister loves the dress too. After our morning of dress shopping, we took my niece for lunch. In the afternoon, we went in search of shoes and accessories. It was a gorgeous day out.

However, my sister was taken aback to get a call from the shop where she had purchased the dress to say when they checked their files, another pupil at the school had already bought the dress, and so my sister would need to return the dress she’d bought. My niece is gutted.

Surely it wouldn’t be that big a deal if one of her classmates had the same dress? What should she do.

I’m a bit confused and I’ll get to that later.

First of all, this is a big part of any Communion if you ask me, getting people together, hanging out, and enjoying each other’s company. What a lovely time for the three of you, and what a special memory your niece will have of that day and for you too. It’s great to be part of the gang.

When it comes to Communions, people often think it’s all about the money. I can even remember running into school myself the Monday after mine, telling everyone I made £31.

It’s a lot more these days, so it’s nice you have made it special with the dress and the family get-together. We did something similar when the young fella made his — we had all the family and close friends over.

We need an occasion like a Communion to bring us together. It’s just the world we live in at the moment, and we should all take these opportunities to catch up.

So, the dress day was going great, you went on to get the shoes and all the other bits, and the shop called to say another girl in the class had already bought the dress.

This is where I was confused, but when I re-read your letter, I know now there is more than one dress “of the same type and colour” because when you said your sister had to return the dress. I thought there was only one dress that had been sold already.

You see, I am a man, and this would never happen to us at all. In fact, I was at an event last week and two guys had come in the same outfit, and both had a great conversation on where they got theirs. But this, of course, is different, so what do we do?

I wouldn’t bring the dress back just yet. There might be two people at the same occasion in the same outfit, and what people really notice is the person wearing it, not the dress.

I’m sorry, but people take one look at the outfit, say it’s nice, and they are usually too busy looking at themselves to notice anything else.

This, of course, is not a science-based argument, but from my own observations. So go back to your sister and niece and say this is OK, and that it’s the girl and not the dress is going to make this special.

Can you imagine what a life lesson this will be for her? This is going to happen to her in real life when she gets older.

This is really how I would deal with it. Get on to the shop again and ask the other parent to contact you because I’m sure the same conversation is happening in that house. If both really like the dress, then the accessories will be different, and their hair can be different, and whatever else you can think of.

Now, the main thing is to keep the children out of this conversation — it’s not an issue for them. This is between you and the other parent. The reality here is they will only be in the same room for the Mass, and then everyone goes their separate ways, so an hour, that’s it.

Now, I think you should definitely call the other parent, either way. She might be thinking the same thing as you, she might be on her way back to the shop and the next thing you know, nobody lands in this famous dress.

If the other girl is going with this dress and you are still not happy with things, then just bring the dress back and get another one, have another lovely day out with the girls and start all over again.

But I think it’s better to go with the dress and other accessories road. I think there is such a great life lesson in there, and it teaches your niece to be proud of who she is, and it’s the person and not the clothes that are important on any occasion.

I know the stakes are high around Communions, but that shouldn’t matter really.

I do have another really good reason, and this might seal it for my agreement.

What if you buy another dress and someone else buys that same dress from another shop. You can’t be sure unless everyone buys the dresses from the same shop and that never happens.

Even if the two girls go in the same dress, we can’t be sure there won’t be a third one, Lord God, where will this end?

I think you see where I’m coming from.

The most important thing of all when ‘dressgate’ is over, is that you go and enjoy the day with all the family and friends around, because that’s the most important thing of all.