Flirts to clickers, a waitress names her eight types of nightmare diner

Who are the biggest problems for waiting staff? Esme Gordon-Craig names and shames them, including one customer who demanded she pick up her dog’s poo

'Rude customers range from people with a simple inability to say please and thank you, to those who seem to think being awful to others is a kind of sport.'

I have worked as a waitress in restaurants for more than five years, a job I love, and the joys of which most often come from the customers I serve.

Of course, for every 10 great customers, you’re bound to get one that’s not so great — I’ve come across my fair share of those.

Here are the eight types I fear the most...

1. The arrogant and ill-mannered

This is the most common type of rude customer. They range from people with a simple inability to say “please” and “thank you” to those who seem to think being awful to others is a kind of sport.

I once asked a couple whether they had any allergies. They looked me up and down, smirked at one another, and then one of them declared: “We’re allergic to poor people.”

These customers also tend to assume that, since they’re paying, they can have whatever they want, whenever they want it, whether that be food that doesn’t exist on our menu or service that goes well beyond my pay grade.

Another low point was serving a group of women sitting outside with their dogs. One of the dogs decided to have a poo beside their table. The owner summoned me over and demanded I clean it up.

2. The work-from-homers

A very specific type of customer, one seen more and more often at the restaurant I work in. They arrive, order a single coffee, sit there all day, ignore any requests we make to have our table back, and participate in Zoom call meetings for the entire restaurant to overhear.

What’s worse is that they’ve evolved over time: become smarter, more prepared, and much more resourceful. I recently watched a customer pull out an extension lead from his rucksack, allowing him to charge his laptop, phone, Apple watch and headphones — I really thought his electric toothbrush would appear at one point.

Their presence detracts heavily from both the restaurant’s atmosphere and the very little service charge I receive at the end of the month.

3. The clicker

There’s a lot of overlap between the Clicker and the Arrogant type, but I decided people who click their fingers to get my attention deserve a category of their own because they often consider what they’re doing to be polite — normal, even.

Out of principle, I’ve always refused to be hailed in such a manner, but the clicker can morph into the clapper, the whistler, even sometimes the glass-tapper — never will they grasp the effectiveness of simply saying “excuse me” or even “hello”.

4. The flirt

In my first summer of waitressing, I served a man whose first comment prior to his order was: “Do you have a boyfriend?” I made the mistake of admitting I was single, and thus inadvertently opened myself up to an aggressive amount of unsolicited flirting.

5. The brawler

What do you get when you mix a hot Saturday afternoon with limited outdoor seating? The answer is the Brawler — someone who will physically fight their way into an outdoor seat during the two brief months of the year when it is enjoyable to sit in them.

On a warm, sunny day, the battle for these tables is brutal. I’ve had to break up physical scraps between customers who use everything from handbags, prams, or even the chairs to guarantee themselves an al fresco Caesar salad and iced americano.

6. The complainer

Here, I don’t mean someone who is frustrated by the quality or quantity of their food or how long it takes to arrive. You can be a perfectly nice customer and still not be happy with your food. There are, however, three specific types of complaints that mark you out as rude.

The first is the customer who complains about things completely out of my control. For example, the noise and smell of cars on the street, the temperature outside, or — my favourite one — the positioning of the sun. I also have no control over restaurant prices. That is why I give everyone menus.

Then there are those who complain about me or my colleagues to one another while I’m standing beside them. It might surprise you how many people feel perfectly comfortable saying things like “I’ve heard the service here is appalling” or “I don’t think she wrote down my order — she’ll definitely get it wrong” as I’m standing at their table awkwardly waiting for them to make up their minds.

The final type of Complainer is the one who wants me to tell off other people’s children, especially when in close earshot of the parents. If you don’t want to hear or see children, I suggest going somewhere they are banned.

7. The one for whom rules don’t apply

These people possess no ability to abide by the rules put in place to make the lives of other customers and staff easier.

They bring their own food, play music out loud, and sit at tables that don’t fit their party number. One colleague, after asking a customer not to smoke on the non-smoking terrace, caught him having a cigarette in the restaurant loo instead.

8. The dine-and-dasher

The extreme form of the Rules Don’t Apply customer. How can people sit and order food, revel in the hard work of others, then just get up while no one is looking and disappear without paying? And it’s happening more often.

One time, I managed to spot two women running off without paying. I sprinted down the street until I reached them and demanded they come back and settle the bill. Oddly, their response was: “We can’t pay, we have a meeting to get to.”

The Guardian