Dear Dáithí: I'll need to clone myself to cope with Christmas 'fun' without burning out

Is it wrong to be already looking forward to next February? (Don't even mention January as that's full of all the meetings and catch-ups that we won't be able to fit in before Christmas)

Dear Dáithí,

I don't reckon you'll be able to solve this one. Basically, I need to clone myself. I just don't see how I can get through the next month without burning out.

I'm not even a social butterfly but between a 'relaxing' afternoon tea for the women in my family before Christmas and a neighbours' meet-up, school concerts, a pre-Christmas school coffee morning for parents, my husband's very posh work-do and my own company's annual dinner and visit to a comedy club I will barely have time to breathe.

Factor in various god parents and aunties calling to wish us a peaceful Christmas and having to have mince pies and gifts on hand for them and I don't think I have an hour unaccounted for until the end of January.

Even on Christmas morning we'll have people calling as we live near a lovely swimming spot, and everyone wants to have a Christmas dip now.

My husband is good for helping, but he's pulled in every direction too. We are being practical and having shopping delivered but can hardly find time to put it away. The house is full of gift sets, and boxes of chocolates squirrelled away for unexpected guests, and there are boxes of biscuits and festive drinks in the most random places. We have so many Christmas carol events and parties coming up that I'll be rotating my Christmas jumpers and dresses for the whole month.

Is it wrong to be already looking forward to next February? (Don't even mention January as that's full of all the meetings and catch-ups that we won't be able to fit in before Christmas).

I had to lay down after reading your letter... and when I reread it I had to lay down once more.

I thought I had a busy few months ahead — mine all work-related by the way — I have nothing on you. For someone who says she is not a social butterfly, you sure do a lot of flying around the place. And this really is all great until it all catches up with you and you burn out, as you put it.

That phrase ‘burnout’ is thrown around the place these days like snuff at a wake as they say, but I think we all need to look at it in a serious light. People usually associate it with work, but when you have a very busy social scene this can happen too. And I don’t want to be a kill joy, but we really need to be very careful about it. 

Burnout can lead to many different places for different people, and they don’t realise what's happening until they are ‘burnt-out’.

The good thing here is that you have seen this coming and might want to do something about it, even though you reckon I not might be able to solve this one! But I will give it a go...

With all these events coming up to Christmas ask yourself what the important ones are: probably you and your husband's work nights. And really after that pick the ones you really want to go to — just one or two, any more than that all the nights morph into one and you won’t be able to tell them apart.

Now don’t get too worried about not going to parties; you think others care; they don’t really. The Christmas party season is all about ‘yourself’, and everyone thinks like that, and you should do the same. Don’t mind those friends too who put pressure on you to go to parties. I remember it happened to me twice when friends put a huge amount of pressure on me to go and I was no sooner in the door and they took off with others. I learned my lesson those nights, only please myself!

I’ve a plan for all these aunties and others who call over at different times over the Christmas. You should send word this week, giving them plenty of notice that you are having an evening, a mini-Christmas party that has a starting and finishing time, and that you won’t be around for the rest of it to see people as you are all over the place, so you are organising this, so you’ll get to see them all.

You'll be fully in control of this one then.  That alone will free up a good bit of your time over Christmas. This is your time and nobody else's. What happens is that we please everyone else when we are off and at the end of it when we all go back to work, we are the ones who are wrecked and it’s our own fault, so we need to manage our time better.

What's your view on this issue?

You can tell us here

You are so right to be making it easier on yourself with having the shopping delivered — that what these services are there for — and you should be making it easy for yourself when it comes to Christmas jumpers and dresses too. Look, I know we all want to look our best at these events, but really how much will people notice? I'm talking about the people who really matter, the people who want you there for you and not for what you’re wearing. Are you there for a good time or to show off a dress? ('Both' says you!)

I know men and women differ big time on this one and your husband might go to all these events with the same clothes on each time and nobody will know. Take a small leaf out of his book, it’s more important to enjoy yourself and to be appreciated and welcomed for who you are and not for what you’re wearing.

Christmas is a great time, but only if it’s managed properly. And the fact that you can’t wait until February says it all. If this works for December, you should try something similar for January and keep it going, otherwise you will burn out and then you won’t be going anywhere only to bed and maybe to hospital. And nobody wants that.

I often say to people who write in, 'you have taken the first step by doing so and if what's happening didn't bother you deep down, you wouldn't have bothered, so there is an issue here and you need to fix it'.

I think if you do this and come up with a few more ways yourself, you’ll have a great Christmas — and more importantly you won’t need another holiday after the holiday and won’t be wishing the time away!